A Fragile Faith: Finding Purpose in Suffering

She's a SICK...House

2012-01-16T15:15:00.001-05:00

You may have noticed there has been a conspicuous absence of blog posts lately. That's because I've been pre-occupied with my toxic home situation. And I don't mean that figuratively. I literally have a sick house. It's a nice home in a nice neighborhood with a great yard, and we really like it here. But it's making me, my husband, and all five of our animals sick too. I wish I were joking.

You may remember awhile back we began suspecting that my dog Xander and I were both suffering from environmental illness. So our landlord's insurance company sent someone in to do mold testing. In mid-December, they finally sent as PART of the report (there were missing pages) stating that there was currently no water intrusion and that the mold in the garage was typical of a heating and cooling unit being placed in an unconditioned space. However, it said nothing about the air quality, which was our main concern and which was tested extensively by the diagnostic firm. This made me very suspicious, especially considering my symptoms. I also knew that they had only tested for mold spores, not for mycotoxins, which are chemical vapors that are given off from mold. After speaking to experts in this field, we determined it was very likely that either there was still mold somewhere in the home or the mold from the severe water intrusion that occurred before we moved in had caused mycotoxins that were never properly remediated. So we paid to have a mycotoxin test done ourselves.

In early January we received the results of the mycotoxin test. It was positive and at dangerous levels. And I was diagnosed with Progressing Mycotoxicosis from something called T2 Mycotoxin. This is a chemical that is used in biological warfare. In large immediate doses, it kills you. In small, constant doses like what's in our house, it makes you progressively ill over time and THEN kills you. It's deadly stuff. And not only is our house contaminated, but so is every single item we own.

I and my dog have already been ill for over a year. My dog coughs and spits up bloody phlegm, has difficulty breathing, has lost his appetite, has lost weight, has lost the luster in his coat and brightness in his eyes. He has developed a disorder called Pica where he eats non-food items like dirt, paper, and other household items. And my sweet, mild-mannered dog has begun viciously attacking the other dogs for no reason. He is visibly dying. And the vet cannot help him. My symptoms range from digestive to adrenal to respiratory. I could only eat liquids for about 4 months. I've been hospitalized twice and had multiple diagnostic procedures, surgeries, drugs, lab tests. You name it. And my hubs is having cardiovascular and respiratory problems. Our cats are both sneezing constantly, which they've never done in the 10-12 years we've had them both. The toxicologist who did my tests is very concerned about me and wants me out of this house immediately. So why are we still here? It's a LOT more complicated than you think.

We have nowhere to move. We have to find a home that has had no water damage and is built in such a way that it is unlikely to have any. There are particular things we have to look for. We live in Northeast Florida, where we are surrounded by water and swampland. Water comes up through our concrete floors and forms mold underneath carpeting. So carpet is out. We have 3 dogs and 2 cats, so people aren't lining up to rent to us despite our excellent references. We need a one-story home because I can't safely go up and down stairs due to cataplexy and needing to use a wheelchair periodically. We need a fenced-in yard for the dogs. We really need a place that is okay to park an RV, so strict HOA's are out. These criteria are not easy to meet, especially in a hurry. And my hubs had already agreed to go to Guatemala this week to help a missionary complete the bathroom facilities in a health clinic.

Even if we did have a place to move, we couldn't move right away. We have to take every single item we own, take it outside the house, treat it with ammonia, let it dry, and then take it to the clean environment. We have to take all our clothing in sealed bags, spray them down with ammonia, then wash them in the new home in ammonia. We have to throw away our couches and all upholstered furniture, mattresses, opened food and paper products, and other items that cannot be effectively treated. Then we have to have something to sit and lie on, which means purchasing all new items. After all that is completed, all 7 of us have to take 3 baths/day in diluted ammonia. Plus, we have to eat a special detoxifying diet.

And our landlord (he's a very compassionate fellow - a medical doctor, I might add) is insisting we be out by the end of the month, but my husband doesn't return from Central America until January 25th. And before anyone else asks, I've contacted everybody - the health department, the local papers, our state representative, the TV news media, etc. No one has any power to do anything now. We did find an attorney who is considering taking on our case pro bono, but that will not take care of any of the immediate needs. And, no, we do not have renter's insurance. We were canceled by State Farm for theft claims, and I was too ill at the time to deal with finding another company who would take us, which is not easy to do in Florida where companies are trying to get out of property insurance altogether. I guess I dropped the ball on that one. Mea culpa. So we're on our own.

My husband works very hard and earns a good living, but we have a LOT of expenses relating to our health (as in thousands per month). So we live on a very tight budget as a result. We don't have lots and lots of cash sitting around to buy all new furniture, move into a new place, treat our salvageable belongings, and go on a special detox diet. I have NO IDEA how we're going to do it. And I have never felt this overwhelmed in my entire life. My husband has cried maybe 3 times in the 16 years since I have known him, and the other day on the way home from looking at yet another house that wouldn't work, I'm pretty sure I saw him break down a little. I can't explain how helpless we feel.

We've actually had several people we greatly respect advise him to skip his mission trip because of all we've got going on. Sure, it's expensive and comes at a very bad time. But we keep our commitments and we are trusting that God is going to bless us for our obedience and sacrifice. And we're praying for a miracle. Will you join us?

The Hardest Thing to Do - Book Review

2012-01-11T15:34:00.002-05:00

During Lent, the brothers of the St. Alcuin monastery are not only learning to accept that one of their own has been installed as their new abbot, but they are also asked to care for and accept the presence of the deeply despised former abbot of another monastery who was greatly injured and displaced by a devastating fire. Because of the man's reputation and his disrespect of their deceased former abbot, the brothers are loathe to welcome him into their fellowship. As Abbot John struggles with his new calling, the novices learn the ways of the brethren, and as they prepare for the festivities of Easter, they all must overcome their own challenges and learn great lessons about forgiveness and selfless love.

Before reading this, the fourth book in Penelope Wilcock's The Hawk and the Dove series, I was asked to read the previous three books. When I've read other Christian fiction involving monasteries or monks, the monks are usually involved in a plot to hide an important religious relic from religious zealots or the monastery is the birthplace of a child with supernatural powers. So for me, the "hardest thing to do" was to get through the first three books with all the mundane information about monastery life and religious customs about which I have very little knowledge or interest. However, Book Four was a beautiful story of grace, love, and forgiveness that was very spiritually challenging to me personally. And there were several nuggets of wisdom woven throughout the story that struck a chord in my heart. So while the first three books were not my cup of tea, I rather enjoyed this latest addition to the series.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Crossway Books as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The Crossing: Book Review and GIVEAWAY

2011-11-24T00:20:00.000-05:00

Check out my review and find out how you can WIN a copy of this Christian novel by Serita Jakes

For ten years, Casio Hightower and Claudia Campbell have been living with the trauma from the night of their high school football game when a gunman opened fire on the team bus, killing the cheerleading coach BJ Remington and wounding star football player Casio. But when Claudia's assistant district attorney husband reopens the murder case, Claudia is forced to relive the tragic loss of her close friend and Casio the loss of his dream to play college football. As they reopen old wounds and uncover secrets many in their small town thought had been long buried, their relationships with those closest to them begin to fall apart. Their only hope seems to lie in finally finding the killer so they can put this all behind them.

Dealing with very real-life issues such as domestic violence, adultery, murder, PTSD, and sexual, adult themes make this a thrilling crime novel. And although the genre is clearly Christian, it is fair to say these topics - although not handled gratuitously - are very raw and very adult in nature. At times the story seems to take a quite predictable path, but just when you think you have it all figured out, you hit an unexpected turn of events. This one will have you deeply sympathizing with the characters and will keep you guessing to the very end. A definite must-read!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Would you like to WIN a copy of The Crossing by Serita Jakes?

Night Terrors

2011-11-16T13:46:00.001-05:00

It was about 4:00am when I frantically dialed my mom, who lives over 1,000 miles away. "Mom, I don't know what to do," I sobbed hysterically, "Xander can't breathe, and I really think he's dying!" Xander is my 6-year-old Siberian husky, and he had been struggling for several months with severe chest congestion, coughing, wheezing, sneezing, etc. We had tried everything from steroids to herbal tinctures, but nothing seemed to work. Then we discovered we had mold in our home and started to suspect that was the culprit. So we put him on natural anti-fungals like olive leaf extract, garlic, and coconut oil in addition to his grain-free diet.

Meanwhile, I was struggling with health issues of my own that my doctors also suspected were from mold. For months I could only tolerate eating liquids, and I was in constant pain and discomfort throughout my GI tract. I had lost close to 20 pounds in just a few weeks, and with multiple endocrine diseases I do not lose weight easily. Suspecting Crohn's disease, my GI specialist ordered a colonoscopy and endoscopy. The first thing she told me when I awoke was that she was very concerned about a growth she found in the rectal area and that I should see a surgeon IMMEDIATELY. As in within the next week. She mentioned the words "colorectal cancer" and seemed genuinely worried. Within 48 hours I was having surgery.

That night as a lay in bed, unable to sleep because of my GI pain and Xander's constant wheezing and hacking, I felt incomprehensible anxiety. All I could think about was the invisible toxins we were all breathing in at that very moment and what it was doing to our bodies. According to a recent study I'd read on mycotoxicosis, which is illness from inhaling mold, people eventually die from mold exposure by either suffocation or from some type of cancerous growth on their bodies. So with my dog struggling to breathe and me waiting for biopsy results from the growth I had removed just days before, fear began to swallow me up. Then suddenly, Xander began to really struggle to breathe as I'd never seen him struggle before. And I panicked.

After my mom helped calm me down a bit and we did some things to alleviate Xander's breathing, I realized he was going to be okay. But I still felt overwhelmed with helplessness and fear. Then I heard the words of Psalm 91, "You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness ..." (Psalm 91:5,6) The pestilence that stalks in the darkness... And I realized that this was beyond my control. There was literally nothing more I could do. I had already done everything in my human power to improve my health and the health of my dog, and I just had to trust that I was safe in "the shadow of the Almighty," in the "secret place of the Most High." (Psalm 91:1)

10 days later, I got the results of my biopsy: negative for cancer. Three words I was very relieved to hear. And although we are still very much in the thick of this mold issue and Xander and I are still struggling with our health problems, whenever I start to feel the "terror of night" I remember to rest in this: "If you say, 'The LORD is my refuge,' and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent." (Psalm 91:9-10)

My Good Samaritan

2011-10-20T12:34:00.000-04:00

So I made a new friend the other day, one of my neighbors down the road. We met while I was lying in the middle of the street after collapsing from cataplexy. That's not usually how I like to meet new people, but I was incredibly happy to see her!

My dog had escaped from our fenced-in yard for about the 5th time in the past few weeks, and this time she went a lot farther than she usually does. By the time I found her, my legs had reached their walking limit and gave out on me. I could see my house, but I knew that I could never make it. Especially since I had no leash and my VERY stubborn Husky was not cooperating. I had enough strength in my arms to just hold on to her collar with a couple fingers. And in my haste to recover the dog, I had grabbed my cordless home phone instead of my cell. I was stranded.

Frantic, I had called my husband from the home phone when I realized the dog was not hanging right around our house after she got out, but he was at the gun range having some much-needed "R and R" with a friend. I've been struggling with some acute health issues for the past few months, and his life has been about work, taking me back and forth to medical appointments, preparing food for me, running to the pharmacy for me, and getting up in the middle of the night with me while I cried from the pain of a horrible digestive flare. It finally occurred to me that since he was finally doing something for himself for a change, this was one crisis I needed to handle on my own.

Unfortunately, I ended up needing some human intervention after all. And as I went to dial the phone I saw the dreaded message "Handset has no link to base." And I knew I was in trouble. I didn't want to lose the dog again, I didn't want someone to inadvertently run over me, and I mostly just wanted to get home safely WITH my dog. So I prayed. And I tried to stay calm since anxiety makes cataplexy worse. After what seemed like hours but was only about 5 minutes, I saw a vehicle coming toward me...and then pull into a garage about two houses down. I thought, "Really? You're just gonna leave me here?" But a woman peeked around the garage door and yelled out, "Are you ok?" Music to my ears!

She was able to get a dog leash from her house and both my dog and I got a ride in the back of her vehicle to our house. Safe and sound. You should have heard me try to explain why I was in the middle of the street. During cataplexy, your speech is often slurred in addition to muscle weakness, so I can only imagine what went through her head. But she was very gracious.

Hubs and I returned to her house the next evening to thank her properly and explain more about what happened. I must have looked terrible when she found me because she told me I looked "500 times better" than when she saw me last. I was just thankful to have been wearing proper clothing, since last time the dog got out I was in PJ's and wrapped in a blanket, having just had surgery the day before. She also shared that the only reason she had been home at that time of day was because she had recently been laid off from work. Otherwise, who knows how long I would have lain there! All I know is that she was my hero that day, my Good Samaritan.

Jesus answered, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself." -Luke 10:27

Repost: Where's Tonto?

2011-10-08T21:07:00.001-04:00

With everything that's been going on in our lives and with my health over the past few weeks, I'm watching my husband struggle to handle most of the stress on his own. And he's not doing very well at the moment. A few people have asked if there's anything they can do to help since I had surgery this past Wednesday. The biggest thing you can do is to reach out to him! He could use a lifeline.

This post from last December when I had been in and out of the hospital with digestive issues seems to apply right now. It's like "deja vu all over again"...

"I feel like the Lone Ranger," my husband said to me last night, sighing as he made the difficult decision to go home for a good night's rest rather than sticking it out at the hospital for another night with me. Part of me was angry and hurt because I am afraid to stay at the hospital alone due to unpleasant past experiences. On the other hand, I recognized he was burned out physically and emotionally and needed his own bed. While I've been either hospitalized or bed-ridden for the past month, he's been trying to run our small business, take care of things at home, take care of me and/or stay by my side 24/7 in the hospital, plan and prepare most of Thanksgiving dinner, run all of our personal errands, and take over the few administrative duties I can still do for our business all on his own. So his "Lone Ranger" sentiment is understandable.

But even the Lone Ranger had a side-kick: Tonto, someone he could talk to along the trail and count on to have his back. Even his horse Silver would pitch in once in a while, dragging him to water when he'd been injured by an outlaw. Because we have no family living nearby, we recently moved to a new area of a large city and have visited our new church only a handful of times, and we have very few friends in our lives that are willing to roll up their sleeves and be involved in our often-dramatic lives, we have sadly grown quite used to bearing our burdens alone. We are thankful for God's grace, for each other, as well as long-distance family and friends who pray for us and encourage us via phone and internet. But sometimes you just need back-up. Like someone who will offer to drop off one of your diet-specific meals, take you to the doctor, or stop by and let the dogs out for some exercise while you're in the hospital.

Everyone is busy and everyone has less-complicated friendships to put their effort into. I know this. But everyone needs someone to talk to along the trail. Someone to count on to have your back. So for MY Lone Ranger's sake...where's Tonto? Heck...I'm sure he'd even settle for someone to just drag him to water.

Some thoughts and ideas I've shared before about being someone's "side-kick":
If We Are the Body
Get With the Program

Chicken Vegetable Soup for the Spoonie Soul

2011-09-29T19:11:00.002-04:00

You don't often start a recipe post with the words, "I had a colonoscopy yesterday," and yet that's what I'm doing. Due to GI pain and discomfort, I've been unable to eat anything but full liquids like soups for two months now. My doctor diagnosed me with Crohn's disease a couple weeks ago, which we believe is due to airborne mold in my house. I had the colonoscopy and an endoscopy to find out exactly what's going on and to confirm if my exposure to mycotoxins is causing my digestive flare. Needless to say, my doctor found A LOT of inflammation in my gut during the procedures, and she's sending it off for biopsy. Also, she found another area of concern that she wasn't able to biopsy, so I have to see a surgeon on Monday about that.

Because bone broth is good for healing the gut, the hubs and I had made a huge 22 quart pot of broccoli cheese soup a couple weeks ago, but I'm getting pretty sick of that by now. Having just finished a batch of homemade chicken stock - which is the key to delicious and healthy soup - I decided to use the chicken meat to make a chicken vegetable soup tonight. I've already tasted it, and it's delicious! So I thought I'd share the recipe with you:

5 quarts homemade chicken stock
2 zucchini, cubed
2 yellow squash, cubed
6 carrots, sliced
6 ribs celery, sliced
3 large onions, chopped
6 cloves garlic, crushed
1 whole cooked chicken removed from chicken stock and cut into bite-sized pieces
Salt and pepper, to taste

Prepare vegetables and put in 12-quart pot
Cover with 5 quarts homemade chicken stock
Bring slowly to light boil
Turn down to simmer until vegetables soften
Cut up chicken and add to pot
Add spices to taste

This recipe made about 7 quarts of soup.

Of course, you can add any vegetables you like. And if you want something "carby," in your soup, you could either add chunked parsnips, which end up having the consistency of potatoes, or even some cooked quinoa. I meant to add broccoli to mine, but forgot. I am going to be putting up a lot of soup in quart jars and freezing it for future use, so maybe I'll steam some broccoli or cook some quinoa to add later when I reheat it.

A lot of people say that chicken soup just makes them feel better, like a comfort food. Do you agree? Fellow Spoonies: What do you like to eat when you're not feeling well?

This recipe is featured 10/23/11 on the blog carnival for Easy Natural Food blog for Sunday Night Soup Night.

Indelible

2011-09-22T13:06:00.000-04:00

by Kristen Heitzmann
A Book Review

Trevor MacDaniel, haunted by tragedies from his past, has an insatiable need to rescue people. His latest rescue of a famous athlete's toddler son from a mountain lion caused two people to see him as a sort of angel - the boy's aunt Natalie, a sculptor with a special ability to see and sculpt the vulnerabilities of others, and a disturbed individual with a dark obsession. Flawed characters throughout this resort town seem to find solace in one another and seek ways to overcome weakness and face demons, both emotional and physical.

My first read by author Kristen Heitzmann, the unusual turns of phrase took me somewhat aback until the antagonist's proclivity for Milton's Paradise Lost became evident as the story unfolded. The characters are compelling in their defects, the geographical descriptions will make you long to visit Redford and take up adventure sports, and the mysterious villain will give you chills up your spine. Be sure to buy your copy of Indelible today!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Courageous - Book GIVEAWAY!

2011-09-21T21:30:00.001-04:00

by Randy Alcorn
A Book Review

WIN THIS BOOK! Details following the review...

Police officers are often thought of as courageous due to the very nature of their jobs. But officers Adam Mitchell and Nathan Hayes soon find that committing to become the fathers, the husbands, the very men God called them to be takes another type of courage. Facing personal tragedy and witnessing daily how the decline of strong male leadership in the home is affecting our culture, they learn to become heroes at home as well as in uniform.

Written as a novelization of the motion picture Courageous, which opens in theaters September 30th, it is often difficult to follow the quickly-shifting scenes and multiple characters. Because the basic plot is so compelling, however, this challenge is easy to overlook. I became hopeful of the possibility of a movement of godly Christian men desiring to lead their families and believe that many men will be inspired by the story as well. I look forward to seeing the movie in my local theater and hope you will invite the men in your life to see it as well. If you'd prefer to read the book, you can buy it here.

Check out the official movie trailer, but if you're reading this on my blog, be sure to go to the bottom of the page and pause the music player first!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Tyndale House as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Would you like to win a FREE copy of this book?

It's (NOT) All About Me!

2011-09-13T17:38:00.001-04:00

A few years ago my husband bought me a t-shirt with the message, "It's All About Me" emblazoned across the front. I was puzzled. "Why did he get ME this shirt?" I wondered. Then it hit me: It usually IS about me! For most of the twelve years of our marriage, life has revolved around my chronic illnesses. Where we live, how much money we have to spend, where and how we travel, what we eat, what we do for recreation, etc. It's hard not become very self-centered when everything is centered on you!

It's easy to fall into the trap of expecting things from people and being hurt when they don't meet your expectations. Instead of having a pity party when people don't reach out to me, don't show compassion, or don't offer to serve my needs, I am learning to wonder how I can move the focus off me and shift it onto someone else who is hurting. And there are hurting people all around us.

I just got a new diagnosis of Crohn's disease last week, and it really threw me for a loop. On top of all the other illnesses I'm dealing with, the last thing I need is another health issue. I've shed some tears, struggled with anxiety, and even gotten a little angry with God.

But then I realized there are people like Justin MaHaffey who has Crohn's disease also and is fighting for his life because he needs surgery that he cannot get without health insurance. (Find out more about Justin and how YOU can help right here).

And people like my new friend Maria who is housebound like me but lives alone with no regular support from friends or family.

It's easy to get sucked into the selfishness of making everything about me and my problems. But when I use my energy to share my faith, my time, and my story with others in order to encourage them, a funny thing happens: I get encouraged too. It's amazing how that works. I just have to remember that everything's not always about me.

"In humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." -Philippians 2:3-4

10 Things People in Wheelchairs Want You to Know

2011-09-06T11:27:00.002-04:00

I'm blessed because I am no longer confined to a wheelchair 24/7 like I was a little over two years ago. But I still have to use one in situations where there is a lot of standing or walking. And it can be a frustrating and even scary experience. I don't think most people set out to treat people in wheelchairs with cruelty or unkindness. But I do think most people just don't realize what they're doing. So let me help you put yourself in our shoes...or wheels!

1. We don't want special treatment. We don't believe we should go to the front of the line or get extra "perks" because we're in a wheelchair. It's embarrassing when people draw undue attention to us just because of the chair. But if you see us struggling, it's okay to kindly ask if you can help.

2. It's hard to see and maneuver through thick crowds. Sitting in a chair, we are at about waist-level with most adults. That makes it very difficult for us to see where we're going or anticipate obstacles like pot-holes or curbs. I have had a few panic attacks in those situations. A few times, some thoughtful people have tried to make a path for me to get through, which I greatly appreciated at the time.

3. Don't assume anything about our physical condition. People use wheelchairs for all kinds of different reasons. It doesn't mean we are paralyzed or have no feeling in our legs. I've actually had people climb on or lean against my legs in a crowd. I guess they assumed I wouldn't feel it. A lot of people using wheelchairs can stand or walk a short distance; it doesn't mean we're "faking" our disability.

4. Don't assume anything about our mental capabilities. I've noticed that a lot of people will avoid eye contact with me or will not speak to me when I'm in my wheelchair. It's like they think I'm mentally incapacitated or they just don't see me. I'm still the same person when I'm in that chair, and I still want to interact with people.

5. We like to be included. When we attend activities, we want to participate to the extent that we can. I think people are afraid to ask us because they don't know what our capabilities are. So just ask if we'd like to participate, and we'll let you know if we feel able.

6. Sit down and visit with us. It's a little intimidating for a wheelchair-bound person to be in a group of people that are standing and talking. Everyone is so much taller, and we have to crane our necks to hear and participate in the conversation. Pull up a chair and sit with us so we can feel like we're part of things.

7. Please avoid using the wheelchair restrooms needlessly. I understand that people don't have to be in a wheelchair to have a disability and use the handicap-accessible restrooms. But there is usually only one stall that is accessible for a wheelchair. It's frustrating when we go into a restroom full of empty stalls and someone is using the wheelchair-accessible stall unnecessarily. We can't use ANY of the other stalls.

8. Don't make remarks about why we shouldn't be in a wheelchair. I've had several well-meaning people remark that I'm too young to be in a wheelchair. And I even had one hateful young woman approach to tell me I was in the chair because I'm "fat." No matter your motive, none of these comments are encouraging or useful in any way. You don't know our story, so it's best to keep your thoughts to yourself.

9. Watch where you're going! When we're going up a steep hill and you suddenly stop in front of us, it's very dangerous because we're on wheels. Or when we're in a power chair and you cut in front of us suddenly, we can't stop fast enough to avoid running into you. It's much easier for you to avoid our path than the other way around.

10. We aren't relaxing because we're sitting down. If I had a nickel for every person who said to me, "At least you get to sit down!" or "It must be nice to have a seat in this long line!" I would be a wealthy woman. It's not comfortable to sit in one position for a very long time, with your knees and legs tucked in. Your back and rear end hurt, your legs go numb, etc. Not to mention the stress of being in a crowd. Please don't let your kids ask to ride on our laps, don't hitch a ride on the back of our chair, or use our chair to lean against. It's medical equipment we need, not a fun toy or recreational vehicle!

Next time you see someone in a wheelchair, look them in the eye, smile, and say hello. Watch how much that brightens their day!

Question: If you use a wheelchair, what are some other things you'd like people to know?

The Corruptible

2011-09-02T13:30:00.001-04:00

by Mark Mynheir
A Book Review

Ray Quinn, retired from a disabling gun-shot injury from the Orlando PD, now runs a PI agency. His closest friends are his well-muscled but intellectually-challenged sidekick Crevis, his "Jesus-freak," part-time assistant and former client Pam, and his bottle of Jim Beam. Operating not strictly "by the book," and armed with a hefty dose of sarcasm, Ray takes on a stolen property case for a shady, eccentric business tycoon that involves another former cop with a tainted history. But he soon finds that there is more to this case than meets the eye and trouble - the violent kind - seems to find him at every turn. As he struggles to solve the case he must also find the courage to reach out for help to face the demons from his past.

Despite the fact this is in the Christian fiction genre, Ray Quinn is no saint. And a life-changing born-again experience doesn't help him solve the case and erase all his angst. It's much more realistic than that, especially with Mynheir's inside knowledge about law enforcement. I also found the Christian character Pam to be very authentic and approachable, as is the rest of the tale. At the end of the story, I find myself wanting more adventures with Ray Quinn. And you can find this book and Book #1 in the series here, along with others by this author.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

A Fungus Among Us

2011-08-29T13:39:00.001-04:00

Last fall we moved into a new house. We knew there had been a leaky roof that caused the addition to rot and required it to be completely redone. We didn't think much about it since the damage had been repaired. We also had a problem with the dryer vent backing up and allowing moist air from the dryer to come into the house. It bothered my allergies, but we finally got it fixed and thought that was the end of it.

A few weeks after moving in I was hospitalized with a case of pancreatitis. Although I don't drink or take drugs, I eat a healthy diet, and despite having every test in the world on my liver, gall bladder, upper and lower GI tract, they could find no cause for the pancreatitis. Then, a month later I was hospitalized for pancreatitis again, and they found ulcers in my upper stomach area. We assumed it was related to medication I was taking for narcolepsy with cataplexy, so I stopped the medications. After a couple months of eating a strict diet of soft foods and taking probiotics and L-glutamine, I seemed fine.

Then, a month ago, the painful symptoms of pancreatitis and stomach ulcers returned along with bleeding sores, Chron's-like symptoms, and the inability to eat solid food. That's when I realized this was my third GI flare since moving into this house. I knew there had to be a connection. So we did a home mold test kit. You can see the photo above of the mold spores that grew from our air samples in two different rooms. So I talked to my doctor and showed her this article about what inhaling mold can do to the body, which includes respiratory, digestive, cardiac, and even neurological symptoms. Scary stuff! She put me on a 10-day course of the antifungal medication Diflucan. After 4 days, I felt much better and was able to eat solid food for the first time in 3 weeks.

But now the medicine has worn off, and I am in agony again. We spent the last 3 days making huge batches of chicken stock and broccoli cheese soup in this huge 22-quart pot my husband found.

I spoke with someone at Healthy Perceptions an air and water purification company, and they told me that because I have a mold allergy, due to my symptoms since we moved in, and - based on the results of our mold test - since we have enough airborne mold to cause concern, they recommended their Zone Air Purification system. We purchased 3 of their Aclare Air Purifiers to treat the air in our home.

Because I am perfectly miserable and have been for over a month, I can't wait until the air purifiers get here and I can start feeling better. One of our dogs, Xander, has been very sick with respiratory issues as well. He has no bacterial or viral infections and allergy treatments have not helped. We believe the mold is affecting him as well. We're treating him with natural antifungals and assisting his congestion and inflammation with nettles and eyebright and using eucalyptus oil on his ears at night to help him breathe. I feel so badly for him!

I'll keep you updated on how we both feel after we get the air treatment units!

Waiting for Morning

2011-08-23T19:49:00.000-04:00

by Karen Kingsbury
A Book Review

" Great is Thy Faithfulness" was Hannah Ryan's favorite hymn. Having experienced a carefree life where she married her childhood sweetheart and raised two beautiful girls in a comfortable lifestyle, it was easy to believe God was faithful. But when a drunk driver killed her husband and oldest daughter, she turned away from God and made revenge against that driver her life's purpose. Entrenched in bitterness and anger, she even ignored her surviving daughter Jenny who is struggling with her grief and desires to take her own life. But God continued to pursue Hannah through a MADD activist, the prosecutor in the drunk driving case, and a final message from her dying husband.

This story is painful to read not only because of the tragic circumstances, but also because of Hannah's attitude toward her young daughter Jenny, whom she ignores and whose pain she actually taunts. I find it difficult to believe any mother who just lost her other daughter and her husband would be so callous. But then again, it's hard to know how you would react until you are faced with the unthinkable. I identified with Hannah's struggle to forgive Brian Wesley, the man who robbed her of her family, and her feeling of betrayal toward her MADD friend Carol who secretly befriends Brian. I was also relieved to discover an authentic story where Christians aren't miraculously spared from tragedy or immediately react with thankfulness when it strikes their lives. It's real and it's raw, and it's classic Kingsbury. Buy Book 1 in the "Forever Faithful" series here.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Guest Post - Healing Words

2011-08-22T12:02:00.000-04:00

Check out Invisible Illness Week's blog right here for my guest post today "Healing Words," an article which was recently featured here at A Fragile Faith. Invisible Illness Week is an annual event hosted by Lisa Copen of Rest Ministries

and is designed to raise awareness about chronic illness and provide resources for those of us who live with a chronic health condition. Invisible Illness Awareness Week is September 12-18, 2011, and the theme is "Deep Breath, Start Fresh."

Harvest of Grace - Book GIVEAWAY and Review

2011-08-15T11:41:00.000-04:00

Read and comment on my review for a chance to WIN my copy of Harvest of Grace by Cindy Woodsmall. Drawing will be on Wednesday, August 17. See below for details.

Sylvia Fisher loves farming, her family, and her beau Elam. But when a painful betrayal drives her far away from all that she loves, she focuses her love of farming into a foreman position at another Amish family's farm. Michael and Dora Blank's farm is suffering due to family tragedies, including their son Aaron's alcohol addiction and recent death of their only daughter. Just when they feel Sylvia is the answer to rebuilding their farm and healing their hearts, Aaron returns from rehab with hopes of reconciling with his parents and selling the farm to pursue his own dreams. Although Sylvia and Aaron seem to have conflicting goals, they are drawn together by their need to find forgiveness, redemption, and healing.

Because this is Book 3 in the Ada's House series, there are multiple subplots happening besides the story of Sylvia Fisher and Aaron Blank. Although the author makes a valiant effort to catch up any new readers, I often found myself referring back to the list of characters to keep everyone straight in my mind. Based on what I've experienced from reading other Amish fiction, the dialogue and even the circumstances often didn't quite ring true, but I did find the theme of grace and redemption to be thought-provoking. If you enjoy Amish fiction, you'll find this author uniquely different; and I would recommend reading the series in order rather than coming into the middle as I did.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

TO WIN A FREE COPY OF HARVEST OF GRACE:

Each of the following is worth one entry into the drawing. Please leave a comment for each action, including your email address or FB/Twitter username so we can contact you.

1. Follow "A Fragile Faith" blog on Networked Blogs for Facebook.
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Healing Words

2011-08-04T10:38:00.005-04:00

"The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." -Proverbs 12:18

Yesterday I had a great conversation with a health and fitness coach with whom I recently started working. Not only did she give me some great ideas to work toward my personal goals, but I also found myself leaving the conversation with a lot more hope than I've felt in a long time. It's interesting I should be so hopeful because I'm really having a tough time physically right now. And we also spent a fair amount of time discussing my past history of chronic illness, a topic that usually drains me and makes me sad. Instead, she was able to focus on the accomplishments I've made in the past two years toward a healthier me.

I later realized my coach did a simple yet powerful thing: she used her words to bring healing. Healing to my spirit and even to my body. After we spoke I was more inspired to remain on the path of a healthy lifestyle, and I was so energized by hope that I went ahead and started my new exercise program that I've been putting off for months because I didn't feel well enough to try. Which, in turn, inspired me to eat healthy and work out again today. And maybe I'm imagining things, but my current flaring health symptoms seem to be better too.

Recently I've had a lot of reckless words spoken into my life and my health situation. Well-meaning family members, friends, and doctors have said things that to some degree, robbed me of hope, faith, and joy. It's been a fierce battle in my heart to fight off the constant barrage of negativity their words created. What a contrast with my experience yesterday!

This is a great lesson for all of us. Before we share that "helpful" idea or something "the Lord laid on our heart" that our loved one "needs" to hear, let's ask ourselves if we are planting seeds of hope and healing or if we are truly piercing them with the sword of our reckless words.

"Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips." -Psalm 141:3

A Work in Progress

2011-08-02T11:51:00.008-04:00

"If you eat so healthy, take nutritional supplements, filter your water, try to avoid chemicals, and do all these healthy things, why are you so sick?"

I get this question a lot. Especially if, out of concern for a loved one's health, I recommend something natural for a health problem they're suffering with. And if they don't say it, I still sometimes get a look that says, "Why should I take YOUR advice on being healthy? I'm healthier than you!" I get it. And if you've ever wondered that, here's my answer.

1. It took YEARS for me to get this ill. It's going to take years to undo the damage. I had health problems as a child and have had serious chronic conditions for over half my life.

2. The longer you go with an undiagnosed, misdiagnosed, or improperly treated health condition, the more damage is done to your body, the more health conditions you develop, and the harder it is to get a handle on them.

3. I wasted a lot of years doing the wrong things. These are some of those things:

...Letting traditional medicine doctors "practice" medicine on me by doing surgeries, giving me all kinds of pharmaceutical drugs to treat symptoms, run diagnostic test after diagnostic test, and just overall being on a "treadmill" of conventional medicine. Which made me more and more ill.

...Getting sick of traditional medicine and therefore ignoring it completely and trying to "heal myself" with my own knowledge.

...Trying every alternative method of healing under the sun like juicing, fasting, taking supplements, making drastic dietary changes, all without any supervision or knowing the underlying CAUSE of my health condition.

4. Everyone experiences setbacks on the path to wherever they're going. That doesn't mean you're on the wrong path; sometimes it just means you need to make an adjustment.

5. I don't know everything. Honestly, most of what I've discovered about my health conditions has been through my own research, not from what I've learned from medical professionals. There is a lot of misinformation out there, making the right information hard to find. I'm always learning and discovering new pieces to the puzzle. It's hard work and takes a lot of fortitude.

6. Look how far I've come! If you've known me for any length of time, you know I've been through a lifetime of physical suffering. And you also know that in the past few years, I've had some really big improvements. You won't see me on the cover of any health and fitness magazines, but my quality of life has drastically changed since I discovered the following:

...When you already have debilitating illness, you can't choose either traditional or alternative medicine to the exclusion of the other. I tried it both ways, and I've found that the best thing to do is use integrated medicine. That means you make wise decisions about everything you put into your body and try to choose things that are the least invasive and the least foreign to your body. Occasionally, that requires taking traditional medicines.

...When you have new symptoms, rather than look for a diagnosis and something to treat those symptoms, look for the CAUSE. Everything in the body is related to the body as a whole.

...No matter how healthy you eat, if you have untreated hormone deficiencies or organs in your endocrine system that are failing, you will not feel well because hormones affect everything. I've been blessed to discover some information that finally has me on the path to healing my hormone issues.

So be patient. Don't judge me yet. I am a work in progress.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on..." Philippians 3:12

The Smell of Clean

2011-07-26T16:06:00.008-04:00

My husband came home yesterday just after the cleaning lady left. He looked at me and said, "Do you feel like our house just doesn't smell clean anymore? I used to come home after it was cleaned and it just smelled all nice and fresh." After thinking for a moment I realized what he really meant was that he didn't smell chemicals.

A few months ago I realized that all my healthy eating, nutritional supplements, and filtered water were great, but that using harmful cleaning products that contain bleach, ammonia, alcohol, and degreasing solvents - all masked by harmful chemical fragrances - were not good for my health either. So I did some research and found a few natural cleaning recipes that work well for our home. Our cleaning lady balked at first because she, like my husband, has always associated strong chemicals with cleanliness. But really, cleaning my home with natural cleaners is good for HER health too!

Let me share a couple cleaning recipes that I gathered from various sources and have used successfully in our home:

Disinfectant Cleaner: 2 teaspoons borax, 4 T. distilled white vinegar, add hot water to fill up spray bottle. (I usually add more vinegar than this).

Tub & Tile Cleanser: This recipe is like "Soft Scrub." 1/2 cup baking soda, 1/4 cup liquid soap (I like 7th Generation Free and Clear Liquid Dish Soap), and 1/4 cup water. When you're ready to use it, add 1 T. vinegar. The vinegar will react with baking soda and make lots of foam. Only make enough to use right away because this cleaner hardens after it sits.

Hard Floor Cleaner: 1 cup distilled white vinegar to a gallon of water. If tile floors are very dirty, you can add washing soda (not to be confused with baking soda), but I wouldn't do this on wood flooring.

Multi-purpose Cleaner: I use this on counter tops and for quick spills on the floor. Just fill a spray bottle with 3 parts water to 1 part distilled white vinegar. You can add a little sea salt to help scrub up dried messes, but you will have to shake up the mixture each time.

Another tip I have is to sprinkle baking soda on the carpeting about half an hour before you vacuum. This helps to get out any pet odors, etc.

And if you truly associate "clean" with fragrance, you can add a few drops of essential oils to your cleaning "concoctions," as my husband fondly refers to them. I recommend DoTERRA Lemon, On Guard, or Citrus Bliss.

But the best part is, you will not be breathing in or absorbing harmful chemicals into your body. And the little ones who spend more time on the floor - be they two or four-legged - will benefit even more!

*This article is featured today on The Healthy Home Economist blog's Monday Mania.

Tropical Traditions Coconut Oil

2011-07-19T11:30:00.006-04:00

In recent years we've all heard about the health benefits of coconut oil. But honestly, I tried several different brands and just couldn't stomach the taste. So when I heard about Tropical Traditions Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil , I was skeptical. But I decided to try it out and share my findings with you. Here's what I discovered:

1. It tastes good! You can literally eat it by the spoonful. It doesn't have that strong taste I've experienced in other well-known health food store brands.

2. It liquefies when it gets over 76 degrees, so you can use it as a solid or as a liquid oil.

3. It has tons of uses. Here are some things I used it for...

-To grease pans for baking
-In place of "vegetable oil" in recipes
-For severe dry skin after a sunburn
-As a scalp and hair conditioner
-To cure dry, cracked heels
-For chapped lips
-In some of my favorite recipes like Snack Bars and Cinnamon Roasted Almonds
-In some of Tropical Traditions recipes like Coconut Cream Hot Chocolate and Quick Chocolate Coconut Fudge, which were both delicious

I noticed that my dogs would go crazy when I opened the jar, so when I read that coconut oil is very good for pets too, I also bought the Expeller-Pressed Coconut Oil for Pets. I put a spoonful on my dogs' and cats' food, and they LOVE it!

Bottom line: You already know coconut oil is good for you, so why not use the highest-quality, best-tasting coconut oil available? Visit the Tropical Traditions website to buy your Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil and many other great coconut products!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil free from Tropical Traditions as part of their product review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

You're Fired!

2011-07-14T11:39:00.006-04:00

Two minutes into my appointment my narcolepsy specialist basically pulls a Donald Trump and tells me he no longer wants to be my doctor. Why? Because he just found out I'm taking hydrocortisone for severe adrenal fatigue. He tells me there's no such thing as adrenal fatigue and that I'm getting "bad information" from my doctor. He said, "You do NOT have adrenal disease. Have you ever SEEN what a person looks like who ACTUALLY has adrenal disease"? To which I reply, "Yep. Every time I look in the mirror." I also told him that I was not asking his advice on hormone-related issues, just as I don't ask my hormone specialist to treat or advise on my narcolepsy.

I've butted heads with this doctor before over my holistic and integrated approach to medical treatment. But he's used to "knowing everything" and having patients just blindly accept his advice. The problem is, the drugs he had me on caused me to gain 70 pounds, made my depression worse, gave me kidney stones, atrial flutter, stomach ulcers, tooth enamel damage, etc. At one point, I had to decide that the pharmaceutical cocktails were only making me worse. He's had a bee in his bonnet ever since.

Ordinarily, I would have already said "sayonara" to a doctor with such an obvious god complex. I mean, I don't drive ten hours round-trip to see this guy because he's so warm and fuzzy. The problem is, he's the only doctor I've found that is knowledgeable about narcolepsy with cataplexy and is willing and able to prescribe Xyrem, the medicine I take that helps me to get restorative sleep. It's the ONLY narcolepsy-related pharmaceutical that I take, and I have found NOTHING else that comes to close to working well for me. In addition, I'm smack-dab in the middle of my Social Security Disability case, and he's the main doctor that is providing documentation of my disability.

So three minutes into my appointment, I go into a full cataplexy attack. Meanwhile, he's telling my husband that 5-htp, which I'm taking instead of antidepressants to help treat catapexy, killed a bunch of people several years ago. Total lie. And that it comes from China. Total misinformation. I don't know if he learned his scare tactics from the democratic party or what. There was a tainted batch of L-tryptophan that killed some people many years ago. But 5-htp is NOT L-tryptophan. And the company that makes it does not get their ingredients from China.

Two cataplexy attacks later, I leave with the answer to only ONE of the narcolepsy-related questions I needed addressed at this semi-annual visit. So he did at least decrease my Xyrem dose to address the sleep eating problem. Apparently this is common when your dose is too high. Who knew? I've gained about 15 pounds since I started sleep eating, so at least one positive thing came out of the visit. But now I have start all over with a new doctor, after I had to fight my HMO to get special permission to go outside my service area to see THIS winner. If anyone knows of a narcolepsy specialist in the Northeast Florida area that doesn't have H.U.B. Disease, AND is knowledgeable about Xyrem, please let me know!

The Canary List

2011-07-08T16:53:00.004-04:00

By Sigmund Brouwer
A Book Review and GIVEAWAY!

Who do you turn to when darkness and evil are hunting you? When 12-year-old troubled foster child Jaimie turns to her teacher Crockett Grey for help, she has no idea how much his life will be turned upside-down. Soon Crockett is accused of unspeakable crimes and wrapped up in a tangled web involving hackers, exorcists, psychologists, and the Roman Catholic church. While fighting to clear his name, Grey discovers the plot to smear him is a means to insure a cover-up of corruption in the Church and protect Jaime's unique abilities to sense evil. But who can he trust? And is this evil real or just part of a religious-political agenda?

Rarely have I been so completely enthralled in a novel! This plot will keep you guessing and re-guessing until the very last page. And with the topic of religious corruption and references to the cover-up of sexual abuse and demonic activity in the Catholic church, it's amazing how true-to-life the story feels. This is my first book by Brouwer, but it certainly will not be my last!

Click here to download the first chapter of The Canary List, and you will be hooked. Want to win my Advanced Reading Copy? See below for details.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

TO WIN A FREE COPY OF THE CANARY LIST:

Each of the following is worth one entry into the drawing. Please leave a comment for each action, including your email address.

1. Follow "A Fragile Faith" on Networked Blogs for Facebook.
2. Subscribe to "A Fragile Faith" via email.
3. Follow @M1ssDiagnosis on Twitter and Tweet about the book giveaway
4. Share this book review on Twitter, FB, etc.
5. Follow "A Fragile Faith" with Google Friend Connect (top right corner of blog).

Winner will be notified by email on Wednesday, July 13.

Hearing Voices

2011-07-07T11:52:00.006-04:00

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." -2 Corinthians 10:5

I spent two hours this morning listening to The Voices. Don't call the men in the white coats! It happens to all of us sometimes: we hear the replays of something hurtful that was said - something that cut us to our very soul. We feel rejected, ashamed, worthless. But then I heard another Voice speaking Truth and Love into my heart...

"I CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH YOU FOR AWHILE."
"I will never leave you or forsake you." -Hebrews 13:5

"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO YOU OR BE YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE YOU'RE SO NEGATIVE."
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." -Psalm 56:8

"SOME OF US DON'T GET TO SLEEP IN UNTIL 10AM EVERY DAY OR LIE DOWN AND REST WHENEVER WE WANT."
"...for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." -Psalm 103:14

"I'M TIRED AND DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW."
"You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You perceive my thoughts from afar. Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely." -Psalm 139:1-4

"NOW'S NOT REALLY A GOOD TIME TO VISIT; THERE'S JUST A LOT GOING ON."
"Whoever comes to me I will never drive away."
-John 6:37

"YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ALL DAY. YOU DON'T CONTRIBUTE."
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

"IT WAS NICE TALKING TO YOU, BUT I WANT TO GO SAY 'HELLO' TO SOMEONE [more interesting]."
"The Lord your God...will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:17

"EVERYONE'S BAILING ON YOU RIGHT NOW, AREN'T THEY?"
"I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God." -Isaiah 41:9-10

"OH? YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HERE IN SUNDAY SCHOOL FOR 5 WEEKS?"
"You know when I sit and when I rise. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?" -Psalm 139:2,7

"Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will learn to listen and believe the Voice of Truth." -Casting Crowns

These Four Walls

2011-07-06T10:40:00.006-04:00

I'm only 34 years old, so people probably don't think of me as a "shut-in." When I was growing up, that's what we used to call old people who couldn't get out of the house. But that pretty much describes me. I can't drive and can't leave the house, even for a walk, without having someone with me. Want to know what it's like? In a word, lonely.

It puts a real damper on your social life when you can't just pick up the phone and call a girlfriend to meet you for lunch. To be honest, I'm afraid to make new friends because I've been rejected so many times by people who don't want to deal with the high-maintenance friend that requires a wheelchair, medication, and an instruction manual to go anywhere. So my friends are people I talk to on the phone or chat with online. Virtual people, really.

I try to stay in touch with the world through the internet, books, and TV. And the highlight of my day is when my husband comes home from work because I get to see a real live human being. Sometimes I even get to have a conversation with him if he's not too tired from being among Real People all day. Once in a while he'll call me on the way home and ask if I want to go out to dinner. If it's a pretty good day I'll take a shower, put on clothing one would wear in public, and do my hair and makeup. Then I get to pretend for about an hour that I'm a normal person doing normal things.

Honestly, sometimes I feel like the world has forgotten about me. That I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. So I look for little ways that I can make a difference from inside my four walls. Things like writing this blog, sharing info on social networking sites, and singing once a week in my church choir with all my heart and voice. The rest of the time I fight those feelings of loneliness and desperation by listening closely for the voice of the One who knows me best and loves me most. I am His Treasure, and I am precious in His eyes.

The Cause Within You

2011-06-30T11:55:00.006-04:00

A Book Review

For those of us who have always been taught that God has a plan and a purpose for each of us, often the next question is "But what is it?" If this is something you've been asking yourself or if you already know your purpose but just don't where to begin, this book is probably for you. Author Matthew Barnett shares his personal story about founding a non-profit outreach called the Dream Center to minister to some of the most desperately hopeless people in Los Angeles, CA. Through sharing his journey and those of the many volunteers who have shared in his cause, he gives practical methods for finding the cause you were created for, rolling up your sleeves, and allowing God to bless your efforts.

It's difficult not to be inspired by Barnett and his team when reading about the lives that are changed through this ministry and the believers who are actually out in the world putting "feet to their faith." I think we all have a hunger to do something that really matters instead of just living a mundane, superficial life day after day. The way Barnett was able to translate his experiences, whether failures or successes, into practical applications for others makes this much more than an autobiography. It's also a challenge for each of us to find our personal cause and begin living it now or to join someone else's until we do.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Tyndale House Publishers as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The Day the Music Lived

2011-06-24T12:44:00.004-04:00

"Sometimes the world tries to knock it out of you, but I believe in music the way some people believe in fairy tales."
-August Rush

I don't know when the music died in my heart.

Maybe it died a little bit the first time someone told me my music was "too contemporary for church."

Maybe it was when a "well-meaning Christian" told me that I shouldn't sing about faith until mine was stronger.

Perhaps I believed the lies of the Enemy that I was too flawed, too damaged, to share my songs of faith with others.

Could it be that I was told too many times that I needed to take some time off from music because of chronic illness?

It's possible that the loneliness of being housebound day after day, feeling forgotten by the world, began to eat away at the music.

Did I let the fear that my illnesses would be a distraction to the worship of others cause my lips to be still, my voice to be hushed?

But I am a worshiper. I have the heart of a worshiper. With all my faults, my weaknesses, and my failures, God has gifted me to praise Him and lead others to praise Him. I will keep silent no longer. I will not let the rocks cry out in praise to God in my place.

There is a silent place in my corner of the world that needs to be filled with the sounds of uninhibited, reckless worship to my Savior. And I will use my voice.

"I will sing to the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live." -Psalm 104:33

Distractions

2011-06-15T10:34:00.007-04:00

"It is our goal at Elevation [Church] to offer a distraction free environment for all our guests..." That was the response from a church who has found itself in a media firestorm after reportedly escorting a mother and her young disabled son from the Easter worship service when he shared an audible "Amen." My initial response was one of shock and anger because I, too, have been told that I was a distraction due to my health issues and was asked to leave my Christian college where I was studying for the ministry. I remember thinking, "Sure, I have chronic illness, but don't I deserve to have a life too?"

I really wanted to be sure I had the whole story and not just a bunch of one-sided media hype. When I spoke with Campus Pastor John Bishop, he admitted that "distraction was a poor choice of words" in this case and that they were trying to communicate that anyone exhibiting distracting behaviors like "ringing cell phones, people leaving from the front row and trying to go back to that same seat, or other loud noises" was encouraged to use the overflow area, which he says is about 20 feet from where Helms and her son were seated before they were relocated. According to Bishop, Helms was discreetly approached by an usher he describes as "an incredible man" on two occasions to make her aware the overflow room was available, but when her 12-year-old son, who has cerebral palsy, continued to make loud, unintelligible sounds (his mom says he was saying "Amen"), they were asked to move to the area where they could "have the exact same message and experience" without disturbing others. The pastor also explained, "There is no rule that keeps anybody out of the auditorium" and that "most people will remove themselves" to the overflow area if they are in one of these types of situations.

I'm a preacher's kid, so I understand the need for things to be done "decently and in order" and especially for people to have an opportunity to hear the life-changing message of the gospel. But I have to wonder where we draw the line. I was assured that Elevation Church doesn't discourage others from shouting "Amen" or being expressive in worship...unless it becomes a distraction. I guess because people could not understand Jackson Helms' expressions of worship, it was unacceptable. I'm just not sure what exactly should have been done in that situation. And on a personal note, I'm often afraid that my cataplexy attacks could distract others who may think I've fallen asleep, or that I really shouldn't sing in the choir because of the possibility of experiencing muscle weakness and collapsing before the congregation. Should I just not serve at all so I don't disturb anyone's experience?

This was a tough topic for me because it hit so close to home. But I can't help but think it's so easy to view people and their problems as a distraction instead of an opportunity for us to have compassion, to reach out, and to even learn from them. Even Jesus' apostles felt that children wanting to see Jesus were a distraction, but Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them." And when Jesus was preaching, some men tore off the roof to lower a paralyzed man down to be touched by the Healer. I bet that wasn't on the Order of Service!

I'm sure Bishop and the usher involved weren't trying to embarrass anyone or cause them to feel unwelcome. And from the statement the church later issued, it's clear they have programs for those with special needs and are doing more to learn about how to provide a better experience for them in the future. In 18 years of living with chronic illness I've learned that people do not understand what it's like to live with illness or disability, and they probably never will unless they experience it personally or through a loved one. They'll likely never appreciate the valiant effort it takes physically and emotionally for someone like us to even make it to a worship service. But we can all be a little more understanding and loving, realizing that church is not a building or a well-orchestrated performance, but a group of people who love the Lord and want to grow and share our lives with others like us. But life is chaotic, it's loud, and it's sometimes distracting to our vision and expectations. Let's make room for those distractions, even if someone tears off a roof now and then!

Guest Post - Deanna's Story

2011-06-13T17:11:00.012-04:00

I am honored today to do a guest post for fellow- spoonie Ashley on her blog Searching for Health. Ashley resides in beautiful British Columbia with her husband and 2 dogs. She was diagnosed with juvenile hypothyroidism at the age of eight and then re-diagnosed with a thyroid conversion problem at the age of thirteen. In 2008 she was finally given a proper name for her illness; she is hypothyroid with partial peripheral thyroid resistance. Searching for Health is Ashley's forum for sharing information on thyroid resistance and empowering individuals with chronic illness to live their healthiest life.

Ashley shares the stories of others on Mondays for a series she calls "My Story Mondays." You can read my story by clicking here:

Passing the Torch - A Tribute to Molly Mizerak

2011-06-06T15:24:00.008-04:00

Molly Mizerak
8.18.1962 - 6.1.2011

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith..." -Heb 12:1-2

In just a few minutes, hundreds of people in the Loudoun County, VA area will gather at our former church to celebrate the life of Molly Mizerak, who entered her eternal home in Heaven this past Wednesday after a 3.5-month battle with an aggressive brain tumor. Since I cannot be there in person, I have decided to take a few minutes to remember what she meant in my life and how she has influenced me both in her life and her death.

1. Molly knew Jesus and His Spirit radiated through her. You couldn't be around her for very long without feeling like you were in God's presence. It was evident that she spent time with God and that she was filled with His Spirit. She was like a light in a dark room, and you just wanted to be around and soak in that light.

2. Molly studied the Bible and used the Word to minister to others. She taught me about the power of the Scriptures to overcome spiritual warfare and defeat the Enemy's attacks in my life. She encouraged me to participate in Bible studies when I was struggling with discouragement and depression in my life due to chronic illness, and she even went out and purchased the study books and brought them to me! She knew the power that the Bible had in people's lives.

3. Molly got involved in people's lives and didn't consider their moments of crisis to be an interruption, but an opportunity to share the love of Christ. I can remember calling Molly in the middle of the night to pray with me, share Scripture with me, and encourage me. She was the first one to show up at the hospital when I was admitted and the one bringing me to a prayer service for healing, like the men who carried the paralytic to Jesus. She didn't just talk about spiritual things - she lived them.

4. Molly worshiped with abandon and was sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading at all times. I can remember a clear change in the power of our worship services shortly after the Mizeraks came to our church. Molly always entered into worship with her whole heart, and it led others to a more open heart as well. She never hesitated to share a word about how God was working in her own life and had a very humble and loving way of admonishing others when it was needed.

5. Molly was real and authentic about her walk with God. She was very willing to share her own struggles with anxiety, unforgiveness, and spiritual warfare. She explained how God delivered her and how the Enemy continued to attack her in these areas. It was refreshing and encouraging to know that I was not alone and that someone who clearly loved God as much as Molly experienced her own spiritual battles too.

A few years ago when I was asked in a Bible study to name the 3 most influential people in my Christian walk; in addition to my parents and my youth pastor, I immediately thought of Molly. She influenced people wherever she went and used every day circumstances as moments to teach others. And her faith in the midst of these past few months as she struggled with her health was an example to me and countless others. We will only know in eternity how many people came to Christ or grew in the faith because of her story.

Since her death, reading and hearing the things that were said of her life is a true challenge to me to live my life in such a way that I would be able to leave a testimony of faithfulness for others to follow. Considering Molly's legacy, I am reminded of an old Steve Green song:

Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

Molly has passed the torch of her testimony to so many of us left behind. As she cheers us on from heaven, I hope we will accept the challenge and live a life of faith that we learned from her remarkable journey.

Setbacks

2011-06-01T10:44:00.010-04:00

People with chronic illness know this well: Just when you think you've got a handle on one aspect of your illness, another crops up to throw a monkey wrench into the whole thing. I've recently had a setback with my thyroid disease because I finally was able to convince my doctor to treat me for adrenal fatigue. It's common for people who have gone for years without a proper diagnosis of thyroid disease and/or those who were on a T4 only medication like Synthroid or Levoxyl to develop adrenal fatigue. I've known for years that my adrenals were causing me problems and contributing to my cataplexy, fatigue, and even excessive sweating. But convincing your doctor of that is another matter.

The new doctor at my primary doctor's practice is much more open to suggestions than other doctors I've seen, especially if you bring her some information to back up your theories. I had been trying to get my doctor to run my Reverse T3 for almost a year now, especially after I stopped losing weight on Armour and began having some hypothyroid symptoms again. This new doctor agreed to run it, and we quickly concluded that my body is not absorbing and utilizing the thyroid hormone that I'm taking, which is why I'm not losing weight, why I'm feeling so tired, why I get huge cracks in the heels of my feet, and why it makes perfect sense that my adrenals are failing too. I'm trying not to be annoyed that almost a year was wasted while my know-it-all doc ignored me, and focusing instead on feeling hopeful that this new doc is willing to treat my adrenals with hydrocortisone (HC).

But it's not easy treating the adrenals, let me tell you. For one thing, we're both at the mercy of piece-meal information. The 1st edition of the Stop the Thyroid Madness (STTM) book says to gradually increase your HC up to the proper dosage. But that would give me these incredibly sickening adrenalin rushes, kind of like the feeling you get after you've run a mile as fast as you can. So I asked people on the STTM Facebook page, and the author told me there had been a revision to the book advising you to begin at the full dose right away to avoid the adrenalin rushes. Ugh. So I started over again.

Then my Armour started making me sick. I would get these horrible gut-wrenching stomach pains, along with severe nausea right after I took my Armour. That's when I was advised to cut back on my thyroid meds. So now I feel terrible because I'm on the wrong dose of Armour. I started having one of the worst hypothyroid symptoms that I haven't experienced in almost two years: digestive issues. That's a polite way of saying that I have to run to the bathroom at a moment's notice. So now I'm carrying ginger root capsules around with me 24/7 like the pre-Armour days. I was told swallowing my HC with apple cider vinegar would help cut down on the stomach issues. Nope. The last time I tried that, I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut; and it felt like that ALL DAY LONG. I'll just stick with the ginger root, thank you.

To make a long story long-ish, I'm feeling a little frustrated and discouraged right now because I've essentially had to make myself feel sick in order to make myself feel better. I'm sure that makes sense in some realm of reality, but right now it just ticks me off. I have the energy of a slug and the personality of a porcupine being poked with a stick. So I just keep muttering this mantra under my breath: "A setback is a setup for a comeback. A setback is a setup for a comeback." Now where are those ginger capsules...

The Day the Music Lived

2011-05-19T21:59:00.009-04:00

"Sometimes the world tries to knock it out of you, but I believe in music the way some people believe in fairy tales."
-August Rush

I don't know when the music died in my heart.

Maybe it died a little bit the first time someone told me my music was "too contemporary for church."

Maybe it was when a "well-meaning Christian" told me that I shouldn't sing about faith until mine was stronger.

Perhaps I believed the lies of Enemy that I was too flawed, too damaged, to share my songs of faith with others.

Could it be that I was told too many times that I needed to take some time off from music because of chronic illness?

It's possible that the loneliness of being housebound day after day, feeling forgotten by the world, began to eat away at the music.

Did I let the fear that my illnesses would be a distraction to the worship of others cause my lips to be still, my voice to be hushed?

But I am a worshiper. I have the heart of a worshiper. With all my faults, my weaknesses, and my failures, God has gifted me to praise Him and lead others to praise Him. I will keep silent no longer. I will not let the rocks cry out in praise to God in my place.

There is a silent place in my corner of the world that needs to be filled with the sounds of uninhibited, reckless worship to my Savior. And I will keep quiet no longer.

"I will sing to the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live." -Psalm 104:33

Narcolepsy for Dummies

2011-05-16T12:50:00.001-04:00

NARCOLEPSY FOR DUMMIES - By Fellow-Narcy, Andrea Clark

Narcoleptics (pwns – person with narcolepsy) suffer from an auto-immune disease whose onset is typically in adolescence, but sometimes earlier. There appears to be a trigger, whether it be a virus or a stressor put on the body, which can cover a multitude of things, but as yet researchers have not been able to really pin it down. It is at that time that the brain appears to destroy a part of itself, which researchers have labeled Hypocretin, or Orexin in some circles. Hypocretin is the ‘control’ chemical that regulates our sleep center in the hypothalamus. Pwns no longer have hypocretin, as the brain has destroyed it during childhood/adolescence.

Let’s use the analogy of the sleep center being much like the automatic transmission in a car. Hypocretin is, for the sake of argument, transmission fluid which helps it move smoothly through the gears. The fluid is necessary to have a properly working transmission and without it the sleep center continually ‘slips’ gears. The brain tries to make educated guesses based on levels of other chemicals.

It becomes a catch-22 because we no longer get consolidated sleep, so the levels of the remaining chemicals in our brain are altered. Our sleep center then becomes active 24 hours a day. Using the analogy of slipping gears, the brain is putting us into REM when we’re awake (giving us hypnogognic and hypnopompic hallucinations); it paralyzes us when we are just falling asleep or awakening, creating Sleep Paralysis. It puts the brain into a state of sleep, but our physical bodies are awake, we are talking and moving about, but have no recall of any of it, creating thus we have Automatic Behavior. It is during automatic behavior that our conversations may or may not be cohesive, and we put the dishes away in the refrigerator, the laundry in the oven, for example.

Regarding cataplexy, which is triggered by emotions and stress, the brain is taking those triggers and ‘guessing’ they are a part of REM, thus causing us to collapse and become paralyzed, just as a normal brain paralyzes us during dreaming so we do not act out our dreams. For those with prolonged cataplexy attacks, breathing becomes shallow and slower, because the brain takes over breathing for us, just as it does during REM. The need for ‘air’ is reduced to a level that is sufficient for little more than the body’s automatic systems to keep running. This can create anxiety which only prolongs the attack. Remembering this will keep you calm. Realize the body is not going to let you suffocate.

Hypocretin can be reproduced in the laboratory, but researchers do not know the mechanism it requires to tell it how much to release and at what times. Currently the only way to get hypocretin to the brain would be through daily injections into the spinal column, as they do not at this time know how to get it to pass through the blood/brain barrier.

Memory and cognitive ability are affected because the brain does not have consolidated restorative sleep. Without us realizing it, the time spent in consolidated restorative sleep is just about the most important part of our day as this is the time the brain does its all important maintenance, which is necessary to process memories and retaining what it learns. It is also the time that the brain puts out the order across the body for all our neurotransmitters that are ‘out of whack’ to snap to and get back into sync with one another. It ferrets out what parts of the body needs healing and sends appropriate messages for the body to work on healing.

It usually takes several years, and in some cases decades, for a pt. to be diagnosed with narcolepsy. Most often they are diagnosed with depression because EDS is considered a symptom of depression. They receive little understanding or support and are often considered lazy, unmotivated, or malingerers. Mild cataplexy is often diagnosed as MS, however tests reveal there is no demylanization.

Hypocretin is the all important crux of the problem. It is a major control chemical and when it is missing, the brain will try to make decisions based on other available information, however misguided that may be. However, with the loss of consolidated restorative sleep, thus being sleep deprived, the levels of other chemicals are all wrong. Therein lies the conundrum – hypocretin would help the brain keep those chemicals at their working best. Our body depletes itself of those chemicals throughout the day and ideally they would return to proper levels when we get truly good sleep. Instead the brain can only guess, and does not restore enough of some chemical or over produces others.

Staying with the car analogy, let’s imagine that the computer system of your car relies on your transmission running properly. If that isn’t happening, you are going to be getting all kinds of wrong information, and you may start to put premium gasoline in your tank, the highest grade of synthetic oil, etc. All nice things which makes the car somewhat pleased in the short term, but let’s face it, if your tranny isn’t right, you’re going to find yourself on the shoulder of the highway, waiting for the tow truck because as it stands, you aren’t going anywhere.

Chariots and Horses

2011-05-04T17:30:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I forget just how much I lean on my husband. As a housebound person with multiple chronic illnesses, including narcolepsy with cataplexy , there are a lot of things I just can't do for myself. He is my caretaker, my closest friend, and the person who best understands my limitations. When he's not available to me, it's pretty scary. He's on a missions trip in another country right now, and I've been basically alone except for a person who comes to sit with me at night (lest I burn the house down or fail to wake up from my strong sleep medicine should it begin to burn down around me).

Recently he had a very scary, dire incident with his diabetes, and I had to call an ambulance. In addition to worrying about his life I remember thinking, "What am I going to do if something happens to him? Who's going to take care of ME?" Watching him deteriorate quickly from insulin shock right before my eyes was one of the scariest things I ever had to experience. I just kept praying, "Jesus, help me!" in pure desperation, over and over. Because he's such a strong person and focuses most of his energy on caring for ME, it's easy to forget that he has physical limitations too.

With his being gone this week, I've had a renewed sense of how much I depend on him not only for my physical needs, but also for emotional support for the struggles of life. I've had a couple of melt-downs, especially upon hearing that he's had some really rough times with minor insulin shock on the missions trip. My parents and my best friend, who are hundreds of miles away, have done their best to comfort and encourage me, but God began reminding me today that He is my rock, my shelter, my deliverer, my defender, and my refuge. Even when I'll all alone in the physical sense, He is here to hold me up.

I was struck by how important it was for ancient kings to have an arsenal of strong horses and the best chariots so that they could defend themselves in battle, much like our military today depends upon tanks, planes, and weapons for our defense. But King David wisely realized that he could not trust in any sword, or spear, or chariots, or horses to deliver him because the battle is the Lord's, and He is the one who would deliver them. It's so easy for me to see my husband as THE one who meets my needs, and I'm thankful to have someone like him in my life. But today God reassured me of His presence and that I only have to call on HIS name. Lord, help me to put my trust in You.

"Some trust in chariots, and some in horses; but we will remember the name of the LORD our God." -Psalm 20:7

Repost: Cataplexy 101

2011-03-07T20:15:00.003-05:00

Reposted for National Sleep Awareness Week

The following is some information I pieced together from various sources, including my own experience, to explain what cataplexy is and what to do if I have an attack. Most doctors have never even heard of it and have no idea what to do. I started carrying information sheets around with me to hand out to people and especially to give to all my doctors. Feel free to duplicate this information; we need to educate people about this disease.

WHAT IS CATAPLEXY?
Cataplexy is a feature of the sleep disorder narcolepsy. It is a condition whereby the sufferer, or cataplectic, experiences a total loss of muscle control and postural tone. It is likely to be more severe when a person is tired, under stress, or experiencing strong emotions. It is extremely unpredictable both in severity and frequency. The attacks do not necessarily have a fixed schedule; they may occur occasionally but may also occur multiple times a day. Patients may be prescribed antidepressants to control the attacks and may also take a night-time medicine called Xyrem, the pharmaceutical equivalent of GHB, to produce the quality of sleep needed to help control the attacks. It is important for cataplexy sufferers to adhere to a strict sleep and medicine schedule to avoid severe, prolonged attacks.

WHAT HAPPENS DURING A CATAPLEXY ATTACK?
Cataplexy is often confused with epilepsy. The nature of the attacks may vary from individual to individual. The following characteristics of an attack can occur alone or in combinations with others: perceptible slacking of the facial muscles, dropping of the jaw or head, knee buckling, slumping of the shoulders, slurring of speech, blurred vision, or falling to the floor. When falling to the ground, the cataplectic may appear to lose consciousness but simply remains motionless for a few minutes before resuming normal behaviors or drifting into some prolonged sleep. There is no loss of consciousness or awareness of surroundings; the person can still hear, feel, and sometimes see things that are going on during the attack.

WHAT CAUSES A CATAPLEXY ATTACK?
Cataplexy is often caused by strong emotions such as exhilaration, surprise, fear, anger, stress, shock, laughter, anxiety, etc., but these do not have to be present for an attack to occur. For this reason, a person suffering from cataplexy will not benefit from “revival methods” often used on an unconscious person. Actions such as yelling, slapping, or shaking should be avoided, and sternum rubs or ammonia inhalants will not be effective and can, in fact, make the attack worse by causing anxiety to the patient.

WHAT SHOULD BE DONE FOR A PATIENT DURING AN ATTACK?
1. It is most important to stay calm, remembering that the cataplectic is conscious and aware of your behavior and that your anxiety can affect the severity or length of the attack.
2. Be sure the individual will not injure themselves by falling and that their airway is not obstructed by the position of their neck/head. There is no need to move the person unless one of the above circumstances presents itself.
3. Unless the person has stopped breathing, has no pulse, or has injured herself in some way, CALL THEIR EMERGENCY CONTACT BEFORE CALLING 911. This contact will know more about the disease than almost any medical personnel and can advise you more on how to respond. If they feel emergency medical personnel should be called, that is the time to call.
4. Avoid drawing undue attention to the situation, which can cause embarrassment and discomfort to the individual.
5. Sufferers have different preferences about what onlookers can do to help. Some prefer to be left alone, while others my need to be supported or helped up. It is common for the person to prefer being left alone to recover of their own accord.

HOW DOES THIS DISEASE AFFECT LIFESTYLE?
Cataplexy can be disruptive to daily living. It can cause embarrassment, loss of confidence, and even detrimental consequences to the patient. Further, it can impair most desired activities such as driving, working out at the gym, or even holding a child, because one can never know when the attack might present itself. Because this is a rare condition, most medical personnel will not recognize it or know how to treat it. For this reason, the patient and their regular caregiver should be relied upon greatly for information about both the condition and also that patient’s particular regimen of treatment.

Memories

2011-03-04T14:10:00.009-05:00

I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss. I have short term memory loss.

Or at least, that's what I tell people. Actually, I have narcolepsy. And one of the symptoms I experience from the disease is automatic behavior. The best way to describe that is my brain takes little naps throughout the day while my body is still able to function somewhat normally. You may be having a seemingly routine conversation with me, but I probably won't recall it later. There are entire blocks of time for which I have no memory. Family members and friends will refer to something I said or a fun activity we enjoyed, and I will have no idea what they're talking about. I once washed, dried, folded, and put away a load of laundry and spent hours the next day trying to find my pile of dirty clothes.

But lately it's just been getting scary. I've been leaving the stove burners on for hours, forgetting to shave one of my armpits, and forgetting to finish things I started - not knowing they weren't finished. I even answered a business call the other day where the person told me her name and I followed up immediately with, "May I ask who's calling, please?" I'm starting to feel like an elderly person with dementia that shouldn't be left alone.

But this morning I discovered a horrifying new aspect to my automatic behavior: sleep eating. When I walked into the living room this morning, there were crumbs all over the place - I walked through a big pile of what appeared to be chocolate cake crumbs, and there were crushed crackers all over the chaise lounge. While I was getting angry at my husband for making a mess I suddenly remembered a dream I had last night. I dreamed I had fallen asleep on the chaise and woke up with a piece of cheese stuck to my chest and crackers stuck to my thighs. *Light Bulb!*

So my next thought is, "How long has this been going on?" I drastically changed my diet last year to eliminate grains, sugar, and other foods that feed fungus in the body. I lost over 40lbs and greatly improved my chronic health conditions. But then the weight loss came to a crashing halt. I had my metabolism tested, I keep insisting to my doctor that my thyroid must still be off, and I've had some relapse in my health. Is it because I'm eating God-only-knows-what while I'm asleep? You've got to be kidding me.

I guess I need to put locks on the fridge and pantry at night. And get an alarm that warns my husband when I get out of bed. This is getting ridiculous! Anyone have any other ideas? P.S. If you give me a great idea, don't be offended if I don't remember it later. :) I wish I were joking.

Soup is Good Food - Broccoli Cheese

2011-03-03T16:56:00.011-05:00

I used to HATE soup. Probably because it reminded me of being sick. And there are a lot of days when I don't feel well due to something related to my chronic illnesses. So the fact that I've been eating soup by the gallon for the past few months is quite strange for me. But my best friend came up with a very healthy, VERY tasty recipe for broccoli cheese soup. It's easy to make, easy on my ulcer-ridden stomach (thanks to my cataplexy medication Nortriptyline, the drug that's also the proud sponsor of my cardiac condition and 70lbs of weight gain I'm still trying to lose the rest of), and it's better than any I've ever tasted.

Since I happen to be down with my semi-annual cold right now, I made a big batch and have been eating it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I thought you might enjoy the recipe. I'm sure my BFF won't mind that I've adapted it slightly for my taste.

Adapted from Hannah's Broccoli Cheese Soup
Half a stick of organic, unsalted butter
2 cups organic heavy whipping cream
3 cups homemade chicken stock
1 lb. broccoli florets, steamed and cut into small pieces
2 T. Arrowroot powder + 1 T. cold water
Chopped stalk of green onion
Fresh minced garlic, to taste
Sea salt, to taste
Cayenne pepper, to taste
8 ounces yogurt cheese, shredded
8 ounces organic cream cheese, softened at room temperature

Set cream cheese out to soften
Steam broccoli
Melt butter in soup pot
Add cream, allow to warm slowly on low heat
Mix arrowroot and water in a small bowl and slowly add in, whisking gently and allowing to sit until "white sauce" thickens
Add chicken stock
Bring to boil
Add broccoli, chopped onion, and spices
Stir in shredded cheese
Cut cream cheese into small sections and mix in with whisk

You may want to use an immersion blender to mix in the cream cheese, although I don't mind the tiny little lumps. You may also add shredded steamed carrots, along with the broccoli. You can omit the cayenne too, but I like a gentle kick to the soup. Plus cayenne is very good for the stomach, as well as for sore throats!

It makes 5-6 generous servings. I like to store it in Mason jars in the fridge, since I don't want chemicals from plastic ware seeping into my healthy ingredients. It's so gentle on my stomach and very soothing to my cough and sore throat. It takes about 30 minutes to make, and it's very easy to double the recipe for more servings.

Try it and tell me if it's not the BEST soup you've ever tasted! Bon appetit!

Note: This recipe is Know the Cause Phase One Diet-friendly

This post is featured today on the Easy Natural Food blog for Sunday Night Soup Night.

Tandem

2011-02-26T11:26:00.013-05:00

by Tracey Bateman
A Book Review

The small town of Abbey Hills, Missouri is revisited by brutal, ritualistic killings just months after a similar killer was presumably killed in a house fire. Lauryn McBride, whose auction house is handling the sale of the estate of the deceased victim Markus Chisom, finds herself entangled in centuries of secrets surrounding the mysterious family, as well as in her own personal struggles caring for her ailing father and reconnecting with a past love. Inevitably, anyone involved in either the murders or the Chisom estate has to face his own person demons, literal and figurative, to find closure and redemption.

A lot of people might think a Christian vampire novel is an oxymoron. But not only is this not JUST a vampire novel, it is also very clear that the vampire characters who feel no remorse for their lifestyle suffer an endless, empty, Godless existence. In contrast, those who realize their behavior separates them from God are able to seek redemption and find peace. There are a lot of characters, flashbacks, and plenty going on in this story, which makes it difficult to follow at times. However, the supernatural elements are intriguing, and the emotional struggles of the characters tug at the heart. (Although I didn't personally endorse the relationship between Lauryn and the missionary love-interest character, Billy -2 Corinthians 6:14) Overall, I found it a fascinating read.

Check out the first two chapters for free. After that, you'll want to buy the book for sure.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Permanently Disabled

2011-02-21T08:25:00.011-05:00

Photo taken from the gun deck at Castillo de San Marcos, by my sweet husband so that I could see it too!

I guess I look like a healthy person. People can't usually tell just at a glance that I struggle with many chronic illnesses. But whenever I want to do an activity where there's a lot of standing or walking, I have to use a power wheelchair to get around. Then I'm suddenly categorized as a "disabled person." But until last Friday, I had never had anyone ask if I am "permanently disabled." The question really threw me.

We were spending the afternoon together in St. Augustine, enjoying the beautiful weather and browsing the little shops. We decided to ask if I would be able to go into the fort with my wheelchair. That's when I got The Question. (Apparently people with permanent disabilities get to go in for free. And if you get a Permanent Disability Pass, you can get into any National Park for free also). I guess it just kind of hit me hard because I had to literally stop and let the fact wash over me that my illness is most likely a permanent condition. I've been trying everything under the sun to change that, and I've definitely been able to improve my condition and my quality of life to some degree. But I'll probably never be able to climb the steps to the St. Augustine lighthouse or go up to the gun deck of the fort ever again. I was feeling a little sorry for myself as I watched from below as my husband took the stairs up to the gun deck.

I've been procrastinating for almost two years on filing for my Social Security disability, and I wasn't quite sure why. But I now realize it's just been a matter of denial. I really hoped that I would never need to claim the status of Disabled. I think I saw it as admitting defeat to my illness. And I'm not a quitter. Never mind the fact that our health expenses and food budget have both DOUBLED over the past two years due to my illnesses and that we could really use that money to offset some of those extra bills. Not to mention that I don't want to be dependent on society, my husband, or anyone else to care for me. But that's just part of my reality. I guess it's time to accept it.

Someone to Blame by C.S. Lakin

2011-02-12T17:47:00.011-05:00

A Book Review

Having been through the tragic deaths of both their sons, the Moore family decides on a fresh start in a small coastal town. But they soon find they cannot escape the bitterness, unforgiveness, and blame still weighing heavily on each of them. But when a young, disagreeable stranger shows up in town around the same time as a spree of petty crimes and becomes persona non grata, the Moore family has a chance to learn about grace and forgiveness.

A gripping story with strongly sympathetic characters, this seems to be a compelling lesson about compassion, forgiveness, and wrongly judging others. However, I couldn't help but notice the author's perceived liberal ideology seeping through to the subtext. She seems to strongly imply that America is to blame for most of the world's inequality, that our country looks for opportunities to exploit the disenfranchised, and that those who prefer country living and also treasure our Constitutional rights to protect our lives and property are actually trigger-happy vigilantes. This kind of "blame America" mentality and stereotyping seems to directly contradict with the larger moral of the story.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Zondervan as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The Miracle of Mercy Land by River Jordan

2011-02-04T11:09:00.012-05:00

A Book Review

Mercy Land was "born in a bolt of lightning on the banks of Bittersweet Creek" in 1930's Alabama. In a time when young women were expected to aspire to marriage and motherhood at a young age, Mercy instead heads to Bay City to find her place in the world. Soon, she becomes the assistant to the town's esteemed newspaper man and finds herself the keeper of secrets concerning the disappearance of a childhood friend and the mystery of a supernatural book that could change the past. Faced with tough decisions, Mercy discovers that everyone's lives are connected by the choices they make. And she also discovers herself in the process.

Most of the story is narrated by the main character Mercy Land, and I found myself reading it in a thick, Southern accent in my head; you just can't help it! As beautiful as the language is, I felt the story line dragged on and was also quite reminiscent of Ted Dekker's Showdown in the Books of History Chronicles. I did find the name Mercy Land to be a clever allusion to the author's name and I also enjoyed the development of the characters very much. However, I must say I was a bit relieved when the story finally came to a close.

If you'd like to give this book a try, get your copy here.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Jay Cutler's New PR Girl?

2011-01-30T16:11:00.013-05:00

Anyone who knows me is clear that I am not a Chicago Bears fan. And I'm not a Jay Cutler fan. And maybe everyone is finished eviscerating Jay Cutler for getting hurt in the NFC Championship game and then not continuing to play or not "acting injured enough" on the sidelines afterwards. But I'm still angry, and NOT at Cutler. Who do these people think they are to say he should have gone back into the game, despite what was later diagnosed as an MCL tear? I have had my fill of people telling ME about MY chronic illnesses and how I should behave and feel in the midst of them. This includes family members, doctors, pastors, and friends. I actually live inside my body and experience what it is like to have chronic illness that interferes with my life 24/7. And I've been doing it for over 17 years! I might know a little bit more about what I can handle and what my limitations are than other people.

First of all, I have personally injured my MCL, ACL, and LCL multiple times in my life. If you haven't had an injury to a knee ligament, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. It is very painful, and for the first hour or so after the injury, you may feel nauseated, dizzy, and disoriented. Depending on the severity of the injury, you may be able to stand or bear some weight on the leg, but you can't pivot or shift your weight. And a partial tear is much easier to recover from then a more severe tear. So if you have a tear, you're an idiot to go back out there and injure yourself worse, possibly ending your career.

Secondly, Jay Cutler has diabetes. For a diabetic to be a professional athlete is a feat in and of itself. My husband has been a diabetic for over 30 years, and I've been a part of his life for half of that time. A diabetic's body operates completely different than a healthy person's, and small things can have a huge effect. A sudden injury can even suddenly bring on insulin shock due to stress, adrenalin, etc. Could this have something to do with why Cutler appeared to some to be "disengaged" on the sidelines after his injury?

The point is, you don't know what's going on with someone else's body. I've borne the brunt of the most ignorant comments and thoughtless questions about my chronic illnesses. People want to know why I don't "just" exercise or eat less since I'm overweight. Little do they know that I gained 70 lbs in 6 months from one narcolepsy medication, had untreated or improperly treated thyroid disease for 15 years, my body produces 5 times the amount of insulin it's supposed to in response to food - which causes me to store food as fat rather than burning it as energy, and when I perform mild physical exercise like standing or walking for short times and distances my muscles go limp suddenly due to cataplexy. Not to mention that I eat healthier than 99% of the population. You skinny people would DIE if you had to eat the way I need to just to have the energy to bathe and dress myself!

Why don't I drive? Why don't I have a job? Why don't I attend 12 church services a week? Why isn't my house clean and my laundry done? Why don't I have children...do I not like kids? Why do I need a wheelchair to go to a mall or ballpark? It's GOTTA be that I'm just too fat and lazy, right? After all, I'm "too young" to have all these health issues. I'm probably faking it for attention. Or maybe I'm just depressed. Probably I'm not right with God. And I don't have enough faith to be healed. Blah blah blah blah blah.

The bottom line? We can't look at someone and know what's going on "under the hood." And it's really none of our business unless we really care enough to be a part of that person's life as an encourager, a helper, a real friend, and a prayer warrior. If you're just a critic who attacks people because it makes you feel better about yourself or an "armchair quarterback" who didn't have what it takes to make the playoffs, just keep your mouth shut. I say this with all the love of Jesus and a healthy dose of plain truth. Sow some seeds of kindness and compassion. You never know....some day you or someone you love may have an injury or illness. And when that day comes, you may need that harvest in your own life.

"Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble." -I Peter 3:8

Overcome

2011-01-13T13:05:00.005-05:00

So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” The man asked him, “What is your name?” “Jacob,” he answered. Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.” - Genesis 32:24-28

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give some of the hidden manna to eat. And I will give him a white stone, and on the stone a new name written which no one knows except him who receives it. -Revelation 2:17

I found it interesting that both in the story of Jacob wrestling with the Lord and receiving his new name of Israel, as well as in the passage in Revelation, the word "overcome" is used in reference to receiving your Secret Name. Just a neat reminder in my devotions this morning that God gives us a new name when we overcome adversity in our lives. I recently read an amazing book about discovering your Secret Name and learned my new name: Treasured. You can read the story of my journey to find my Secret Name here.

Have you overcome adversity in your life? Do you know your new name?

What if I Had Cancer?

2011-01-11T15:43:00.009-05:00

I have a confession to make: sometimes I wish I had cancer. How twisted is that? And what would possess me to say such a thing? Of course, although I've had close family members waste away and die from cancer, I've never experienced it myself. I know it's a horrible and serious disease that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But as crazy as it sounds, there have been several times in my life that I've found myself being jealous of people with cancer. Shocking?

About a year before my health took a serious downward spiral, a friend from church was diagnosed with breast cancer. You would not believe the outpouring of love and support shown to her and her family by our church! People came over to clean, brought meals, and offered to take her to doctor appointments. I'll never forget the time she was sharing the stories about the support from our church family and, knowing my own chronic health struggles, innocently asked, "People come over and help you out too, right?" There certainly have been a couple of people that have helped out before. But as far as the kind of constant support she was getting? Not even close.

Several months later I was diagnosed with narcolepsy with cataplexy, and my cataplexy was so bad that I was constantly falling down all over the house. I couldn't prepare meals, shower, dress myself, or do any household chores on my own. We asked our church for some help and in addition to being told we lived too far away from the church for people to serve us, a church leader admonished us, "It's not always your turn to be helped; sometimes it's your turn to help." Huh?! Anyone who truly knows us would realize what an ignorant statement that was. And we'd been faithfully attending and serving in that church for over 3 years.

So why was my experience so different from my friend with cancer? I'm not entirely sure, and I'd love some feedback from you. But here's what I've come up with so far.

1. I'm not dying. People seem to equate cancer with dying. I guess they feel that since you may die, they should serve you while they can. On the other hand, the long-term, daily struggles in the life of someone with chronic illness are largely ignored. Maybe it seems like too long a commitment?

2. I seem like I can handle it. I've always been a strong, independent person. I am a problem-solver, and I don't give up easily. Maybe people think, "If anyone can work through this, she can."

3. I don't know how to ask for what I need. I've had a few people offer to help, but I feel badly asking for and even accepting help because of what I've experienced in the past. Who wants to be helped grudgingly, our out of a sense of duty? Or what if I ask for help this time, and then I really need help another time but I've used up my "Ask for Help Card"? After all, maybe it's not my turn to be helped.

All I know is, everyone has a limit, a breaking point. We live on the edge of ours all the time. After two months of a major health setback we are about to fall off at the moment. But is it safe to ask for help? Or do I suffer alone and hope for the best? What do YOU do when you need help getting through the struggles of life with chronic illness?

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." -Ecclesiastes 4:8-10

Coming Back Stronger by Drew Brees: A Book Review

2011-01-02T12:58:00.012-05:00

Who doesn't love a good comeback story? Add in football, and it's even better. Drew Brees, the quarterback of the Superbowl XLIV champion New Orleans Saints is no stranger to adversity. But all his life, when faced with adversity, he determined to make a strong comeback. Whether it was going through the divorce of his parents, fighting for a starting position on his high school football team, suffering an ACL injury that nearly ended his hopes for a college scholarship, or leading his Purdue team to the Rose Bowl, overcoming each of these hurdles now seems to be a foreshadowing of his NFL career. When a severe shoulder injury effectively ended his position as starting quarterback for the San Diego Chargers, and he found that most NFL teams considered his NFL career over as well, he refused to admit defeat. Instead, he found a home with a team and a city that needed a miraculous comeback as much as he did. And they both came back even stronger.

No matter what adversity you face in life, you cannot help but be inspired by the story of Drew Brees. His courage, faith, and determination to conquer life's challenges is both a testament to his character and an infusion of hope to anyone who's ever faced hardship and dared to mount a resurgence for victory.

Buy your copy of this amazing story here!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Tyndale House as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

1.1.11

2010-12-31T16:43:00.009-05:00

I love beginnings. They are a great opportunity to start fresh with new goals, no mistakes, and lots of hope for the future. And my OCD also finds tomorrow's date of 1.1.11 another reason to view this New Year's Day as a fantastic time to achieve new things in the upcoming year. I've read that it's important to publicize your goals so that you will be accountable to reach them. I'm asking you to check up on me throughout this year and follow up on my progress. I need your help!

My New Year's Resolutions:

1. Read the Bible through and complete a Bible study every quarter.
2. Post to my blog twice each week, for a minimum of 104 posts by December 31, 2011.
3. Complete the first draft of a chapter for my book every two weeks, or 2 per month.
4. Start fresh with the Know the Cause Phase One Diet, and stay on it faithfully the entire year.
5. Begin Dr. Mercola's Peak Fitness Program, with the goal to fit into the clothes I wore when we first moved to Florida 5 years ago.

Life Without Limbs by Nick Vujicic: A Book Review

2010-12-29T10:16:00.008-05:00

A few months ago, I saw this video about a man named Nick Vujicic. It's impossible to see this man, hear him speak, or learn about his story without feeling inspired. Born without any limbs, he has faced adversity that most of us could never understand, yet he travels the world to communicate to others the love of God and the message that their life has a purpose and can be lived without the limits we place on ourselves due to negative circumstances. Nick shares the joy that he has found by determining to live a "ridiculously good life" and using his struggles to encourage others to overcome obstacles and embrace life.

This is much more than a self-help book. This is a story of inspiration and courage. By sharing his own journey to accept that God did not make a mistake allowing him to be born without limbs and that he has an important message to share with the world, Nick Vujicic is a true example of what it means to live life to the fullest. His practical wisdom, humor, and raw transparency will encourage you to change your attitude about life, rise above your challenges, and find a way to ignite passion in others.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Predator by Terri Blackstock: A Book Review

2010-12-28T12:47:00.006-05:00

"Riding my bike to Sinbad's. Dying for a soda, and Dad won't keep them in the house." That was 14-year-old Ella Carmichael's last Thought Bubble posted to the social network Grapevyne. But someone was watching - someone with sinister intentions - and took the opportunity to abduct, rape, and brutally murder the unsuspecting teen. Now her older sister Krista is taking on GrapeVyne and laying a trap for the killer, determined that no other young girls become his next victim. Despite the horrible pain of losing the baby sister she practically raised after their mother's death, Krista turns the tragedy into an opportunity to educate teens and young women about the dangers of posting personal information and current locations on social networking sites. In the process, she ends up working alongside the site's creator and CEO, both of them fighting for their lives as they seek to uncover a potential conspiracy or criminal activity originating with GrapeVyne's parent company and stay a step ahead of a killer.

Not only does Blackstock achieve another suspenseful story with a great surprise ending, but she really makes you stop to consider how our innocent comments on social networking sites can be used for malicious purposes by the wrong person. I want every young woman I care about to read this book and take to heart that particular message. This book will give you nightmares, which is the hallmark of a great thriller, and it will certainly leave you contemplating your own online activities. But it's also a story about using personal adversity to reach out to others, about healing in the midst of tragedy, and about the power of our faith and God's grace to carry us through our darkest trial.

View the book trailer and buy the book here

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Zondervan as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Where's Tonto?

2010-12-03T15:39:00.012-05:00

"I feel like the Lone Ranger," my husband said to me last night, sighing as he made the difficult decision to go home for a good night's rest rather than sticking it out at the hospital for another night with me. Part of me was angry and hurt because I am afraid to stay at the hospital alone due to unpleasant past experiences. On the other hand, I recognized he was burned out physically and emotionally and needed his own bed. While I've been either hospitalized or bed-ridden for the past month, he's been trying to run our small business, take care of things at home, take care of me and/or stay by my side 24/7 in the hospital, plan and prepare most of Thanksgiving dinner, run all of our personal errands, and take over the few administrative duties I can still do for our business all on his own. So his "Lone Ranger" sentiment is understandable.

But even the Lone Ranger had a side-kick: Tonto, someone he could talk to along the trail and count on to have his back. Even his horse Silver would pitch in once in a while, dragging him to water when he'd been injured by an outlaw. Because we have no family living nearby, we recently moved to a new area of a large city and have visited our new church only a handful of times, and we have very few friends in our lives that are willing to roll up their sleeves and be involved in our often-dramatic lives, we have sadly grown quite used to bearing our burdens alone. We are thankful for God's grace, for each other, as well as long-distance family and friends who pray for us and encourage us via phone and internet. But sometimes you just need back-up. Like someone who will offer to drop off one of your diet-specific meals, take you to the doctor, or stop by and let the dogs out for some exercise while you're in the hospital.

Everyone is busy and everyone has less-complicated friendships to put their effort into. I know this. But everyone needs someone to talk to along the trail. Someone to count on to have your back. So for MY Lone Ranger's sake...where's Tonto? Heck...I'm sure he'd even settle for someone to just drag him to water.

Some thoughts and ideas I've shared before about being someone's "side-kick":
If We Are the Body
Get With the Program

Unlocked by Karen Kingsbury: A Book Review

2010-11-29T14:25:00.009-05:00

Holden Harris is an autistic, high school senior whose father has given up on his ever being normal again, leaving his mother to deal with the day-to-day struggles of parenting a special-needs child. While Holden's mom Tracy holds on to hope and prays for a miracle to release her son from the prison of his autism, he is reunited with his childhood best friend Ella Reynolds, the popular daughter of Tracy's one-time closest friend, who abandoned Tracy shortly after Holden's diagnosis. Through Ella's friendship and Holden's love for music, miracles begin to happen not only for Holden, but also for his parents, his high school, and Ella's family as well.

So many topics that hit close to home for me were touched on in this riveting story. Karen Kingsbury demonstrates so clearly how those of us with chronic illness and our caretakers are often abandoned by our loved ones -often out of fear or not knowing how to deal with the situation- both physically and emotionally, just when we need them most. And the way people ignore, tease, and treat Holden differently because of his illness is sadly typical of how our culture regards those of us with disabilities. But Tracy Harris' strength in the midst of adversity and her fragile faith and hope in God is nothing short of inspiring. Likewise, the courage and compassion of young Ella to reach out to Holden is a testament to the power of one to make a difference. Unlocked is truly another in a long list of Kingsbury's "Life-Changing Fiction."

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Zondervan as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

He Knows My Name

2010-10-22T11:49:00.022-04:00

A Book "Experience" from Your Secret Name by Kary Oberbrunner

Every once in a while you read a book, and you just know that your life will never be the same. It feels like a personal message, meant just for you. And it becomes more than a book: it's an experience. I'd like to share my experience with you.

Each of us, whether consciously or unconsciously, is seeking our purpose in life - our identity. We want to know who we are and why our life matters in the grand scheme of things. As we go through life, we are given labels or Given Names that describe how others see us; and then we often spend the rest of our lives trying to live up to or to live down those names. But God has a Secret Name for each of us, a name that describes how He, our Creator, see us. Discovering our Secret Name is a journey that leads us to a deeper relationship with God and the beginning of truly understanding His plan for us.

As Author Kary Oberbrunner compared his journey to finding his Secret Name with the story of Jacob in the book of Genesis, I could not help but see similarities in my own life and realize I'd spent too long "playing the Name Game." I learned very early in my life that I could get recognition by being an achiever. The more awards I won, the more top grades I received in school, the more I improved my musical talents, the more people seemed to see me as a valuable person. This worked well for me until age 16 when I suddenly became "The Sick Girl," and I could no longer keep up with everyone's expectations of my being "Most Likely to Succeed." In my senior year of high school and through my freshman year of college I struggled just to get out of bed in the morning and stay awake through classes, but I did my best to put on a front that I had it all together as usual. But by the end of my freshman year I had begun to have major health problems and could no longer stay in school.

That's when I first noticed that I was becoming Invisible. I worked hard at improving my health and would have periods of remission where I would force myself to perform at work or at church so that I could have that feeling of being special and important. But inevitably my health would fail me again, and I would begin to feel Isolated and Abandoned by my friends and family. There were times I was out of commission for up to 6 months at a time, but I rarely had a phone call, email, or visit from any of those people I'd been trying so hard to impress. I felt Worthless and Forgotten, like I was a "Non-person." And as my health issues began to affect my weight, I no longer even recognized myself in the mirror. Pretty soon I was just a Fat, Sick, Depressed Person who meant very little to myself or anyone else. In the midst of a two-year downward spiral in my health and a series of events that left me feeling completely Invalidated by everyone in my life, I decided that my life was no longer worth living. And I attempted suicide.

Despite all the difficult circumstances over the past 17 years, I always felt God's presence and would see His hand at work in my life. I heard Him whisper loving assurances to me and would often picture Him holding me and singing over me, as in Zephaniah 3:17, "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love,he will rejoice over you with singing." When Kary asked us at the end of the book to picture ourselves alone before God and to imagine what name He would call us, I immediately heard God say, "I see you. I hear you. I remember you. You are precious to me." I immediately was drawn back to Zephaniah 3:17 and discovered the name Zephaniah means "treasured by God." That's when He confirmed to me that the words I heard Him say all described me as His Treasure. When God looks at me, he values me as a precious treasure, of so great worth that He would never abandon, forget, or overlook me. And I don't have to earn a list of achievements to be treasured in His eyes.

"When I don't measure up to much in this life, I'm a Treasure in the arms of Christ." -From "Forgiven" by Sanctus Real

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Zondervan as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The Twelfth Imam by Joel C. Rosenberg: A Book Review

2010-10-19T15:01:00.009-04:00

Iran has a secret nuclear weapons program. A small cult of religious and political leaders in the Middle East believe they must destroy the nations of Israel and the United States in order to bring about the coming of the Islamic "messiah", or Twelfth Imam, whom they believe will usher in a new era of Islamic rule worldwide. As they are plotting the demise of the Little and the Great Satans, Iran is unaware that a trusted, young Muslim businessman is actually a CIA operative whose objective is to gain solid intelligence to thwart their nuclear efforts. It soon becomes clear that there are spiritual forces behind Iran's evil plot that the CIA refuses to acknowledge until it is perhaps too late.

Joel C. Rosenberg begins another spine-tingling fiction series that hits very close to home. His seemingly prophetic insights into real political events of our day are set in an action-packed, can't-put-it-down thriller that will capture your attention and leave you paying much closer attention to current events in light of this storyline. Whether you're a seasoned Rosenberg fan or a first-timer, you will not be disappointed in The Twelfth Imam.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Tyndale House Publishers as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Book Recommendations

2010-10-14T12:04:00.005-04:00

I've had the privilege to read some really great, life-changing books recently. I'm currently working on writing the reviews to post them here for you. While you're waiting, you should just go ahead and start reading them now; they're THAT good.

Your Secret Name by Kary Oberbrunner
Visit the book's website

The Twelfth Imam by Joel C. Rosenberg
Visit Joel's website

We All Scream for Ice Cream

2010-08-01T18:17:00.011-04:00

When it's hot and muggy outside, I like something cold and sweet. But I don't sacrifice my health for an ice cream treat, nor do I trade away "delicious" for "healthy". This yummy ice cream recipe is adapted from Sally Fallon's "Nourishing Traditions" cookbook for the Know the Cause Phase One Diet

Chocolate Raspberry Soft-Serve Ice Cream

3 cups heavy cream
3 egg yolks
6 T. unsweetened cocoa
1/4 cup xylitol

Whisk together in a bowl.
Pour into ice cream maker (the kind with the bowl that you freeze. Mine is a Cuisinart model) and allow to mix for 25-30 minutes.
Add 1 pint fresh raspberries and mix another 5 minutes.

Best if served directly from ice cream maker, but can be stored in a sealed container and stored in the freezer. This will change the consistency, however, to something like you would have if you try to refreeze a Wendy's Frosty, for example. But it still tastes good!

Questioning Vaccinations

2010-08-01T15:37:00.004-04:00

Questioning Vaccinations

Click the above link to read this article from www.knowthecause.com Newsletter.

The Secret Life of the American with Chronic Illness

2010-07-23T11:12:00.006-04:00

My house is an absolute wreck! I live in constant fear that someone will stop by my house and find out that I'm not Susie Homemaker. I like things very neat, clean, and uncluttered. And I'm a classic germophobe. So it's not like I'm oblivious to the mess or don't care to address it. At the moment I'm just overwhelmed. Last month I was hospitalized for heart problems, and my sister came from Michigan and stayed with me for about a month to help out. While she was here, she did nearly all of the cooking and cleaning. Then, it took me about a week or so just to rest and recuperate from her visit. (And if you have chronic illness, you know what I'm talking about: is there anything that DOESN'T take a week of recovery?) Also, she and I tended to stay up late at night talking, watching movies, playing board games, etc., which is great except for the fact that it wreaked havoc with this narcoleptic's sleep patterns.

I look around and see piles of laundry that needs folding, furniture that needs dusted, carpet that needs vacuumed, and dishes that need washed and put away. And I don't know where to start. Of course, telling you about it isn't getting it done either. I guess I just felt I needed to confess the huge secret mess that is behind my front door. You probably think less of me now than before, when I seemed perfect and you thought I had it all together. But this is my reality. Sadly, there will probably never be a time when I will be caught up on all of the household chores and would feel great if unexpected company just showed up. That's just a part of my life that I have to learn to accept. I don't know that I'll ever be completely okay with it.

So today it is my goal to get ONE room in my house clean and clutter-free, and if I can accomplish this through God's strength, then I will choose to be content in that. And if you happen to stop by and see all the other rooms in my home, please don't judge me too harshly. I'm doing the best I can, and everything else will just have to stay messy until I get to it.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men" ~Colossians 3:23

The Witness by Josh McDowell: A Book Review

2010-07-15T13:11:00.008-04:00

Marwan Accad, owner of a posh international security firm, suddenly finds himself on the run after disclosing to his client that his wife's kidnapping was actually staged as a plot to extort millions from him. Narrowly escaping death himself, Accad is the only witness to that client's assassination and the only person who knows about the extortion. Circumstantial evidence leads police to believe Accad himself may have been behind the murder, and a corrupt detective does all he can to manipulate facts and evidence to show Accad's guilt. Marwan Accad's quest to uncover evidence to clear his name while trying to avoid being killed himself, leads him to a journey of healing deep wounds from his past and discovering God's love.

The Witness is an exciting, page-turning thriller with well-researched detail that makes you feel like you are traveling through the different countries and experiencing the dramatic chases along with the characters. Although some of the conversations about God that arise between characters seem unexpected, the historical Biblical facts they contain are thought-provoking. And despite the fact that the much-anticipated conclusion is a bit abrupt, the story does provide a clear gospel message enveloped within an engrossing and highly titillating drama. I would definitely recommend Josh McDowell's The Witness as an entertaining read but also as a clever evangelistic tool.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Tyndale House Publishers as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Taco Salad - Phase One Friendly

2010-05-05T14:48:00.004-04:00

In honor of Cinco de Mayo, I thought I'd post my original taco salad recipe. If you're following the Know the Cause Phase One Diet, if you're into low-carb, or if you're just a healthy eater, you'll love this recipe.

Taco Salad
1 – 1 ½ lbs grass-fed ground beef
Chopped onions & green peppers
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 can diced tomatoes (check ingredients! No sugar, etc)
Chili powder
Paprika
Cayenne pepper
Salt
Pepper
Onion Powder

Sauté onions & peppers in olive oil until clear
Brown meat, break down into very small pieces
Add diced tomatoes
Add spices
Bring to a boil
Allow to simmer on Low 30 minutes, until liquid is reduced
Add garlic

Guacamole
1 avocado, diced
3 grape tomatoes
Green onion, roughly chopped tops & bottoms
2 cloves garlic, minced
Juice of ½ lemon
Salt
Mix together in Magic Bullet with Cross Blade,
Using Short Cup

Serve over a bed of leafy greens, grape tomatoes, and shredded yogurt cheese. Top with a dollop of real sour cream. Serves 3-4, depending on portion size.

Think Outside the Box - Snack Bar Recipe

2010-05-05T14:22:00.006-04:00

For those of you who enjoy trail mix-type bars, I thought this recipe that I adapted from TBS Dinner & A Movie's "Cramming for the Bar" is a yummy alternative to those pre-packaged "healthy" snack bars with all the added sugar and grain. If you're following the Know the Cause Phase One Diet, or if you're just a healthy eater, you'll love this recipe.

Healthy Snack Bars
No Grain, No Sugar

Ingredients:
• 2 1/2 cup dried unsweetened cranberries and other berries
• 1/2 cup raw sunflower seeds
• 1 cup raw almond slices
• 1 cup raw cashews
• 1/4 cup raw pecans
• 1/4 cup raw pumpkin seeds
• 1/2 cup ground flax seed
• 1 cup unsweetened dried coconut
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon salt (optional)
• 5 tablespoons agave syrup or raw unpasteurized honey
• 1/4 cup Tropical Traditions Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil

Directions:
1. Combine the dried fruit in a food processor. Pulse mixture 10-15 times until a ball forms. Add the remaining dry ingredients and continue pulsing until the nuts are chopped and the mixture begins to come together. Scrape the mixture into a large bowl and add the oil and honey and knead 5 minutes until the mixture holds its shape in a ball.

2. To form the health food bars, line a cookie sheet with plastic wrap and press the mixture forcefully into the pan. Place another piece of plastic wrap over the top and then use a large rolling pin to compress the mixture into a solid block. Alternatively you can press into small cake molds or wrap in foil and twist tightly into cylinders.

3. Cut into bars. Bars can be left plain or coated in your favorite choice (i.e. sesame seeds, poppy seeds, sunflower seeds, dehydrated coconut, green tea Mache, powdered cocoa, etc.) Freeze bars for 30 minutes and then wrap individually and keep refrigerated for longest shelf life.

Happy Happy Birthday Cake

2010-05-03T15:31:00.007-04:00

Chocolate Fudgy Bundt Cake
No grain, No sugar
Adapted from Hannah Byers’ Original Chocolate Fudge Almond Butter Cake Recipe

2 cups almond butter
4 eggs
1 cup raw unpasteurized honey
1 tsp. baking soda

8 oz. unsweetened (100% cocoa) chocolate
2 sticks butter
1 cup xylitol* (or more or less to taste)
*This recipe is meant to have ½ cup raw honey in the chocolate mix, which would make the cake MUCH more moist. See Notes below for more info.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Melt butter, chocolate squares, and xylitol in a pot over low heat.
Mix almond butter, eggs, honey, and baking soda with mixer until smooth.
Pour in chocolate 2/3 of chocolate mixture, and beat until mixed.

Pour into a bundt cake pan, greased with extra virgin coconut oil and lightly coated with coconut flour. Bake for approx. 50 minutes at 350 degrees (if you use all honey instead of using xylitol in the chocolate mixture, you will probably need to bake up to 10 minutes longer)
Allow to cool 20 minutes, then flip out onto serving plate.
Reheat remaining chocolate mixture and drizzle over top.
Add fresh strawberries and/or raspberries to center.
Add a dollop of heavy whipping cream, whipped with stevia added, to taste

You can also divide ingredients for cake batter in half (as in Hannah’s original recipe) and pour into two round cake pans lined with parchment paper. Then you can make a filling and ice the top. The following is a recipe for filling/icing. Or you can just half the recipe and bake as brownies, too!

Icing/Filling:
1 8oz. cream cheese
1 stick butter
¼ cup raw unpasteurized honey
3 T. unsweetened cocoa, optional for chocolate icing (or more to taste)
You can also add heavy whipping cream and beat for an extended period to make it fluffier.

Notes:
1. I tried making this in the round pans and greasing the pans with coconut oil but the cake STILL stuck due to the gooiness of the honey. My MIL makes wedding cakes and advised me to line with parchment paper. You can’t do this in a bundt cake pan though. So you just have to carefully work it out of the pan before it’s cooled too much.

2. Almond butter can be expensive, but I do not recommend peanut butter because this is a healthy recipe and peanuts contain mycotoxins which are extremely harmful to the body. Cashew butter can also be used, which is less expensive. You can make your own almond butter (which will save a lot if you find a good price on almonds. Sam’s Club has 3lb. bags of plain unroasted almonds for $10) by putting almonds in a food processor, adding a small amount of almond oil, and mixing until a buttery texture.

3. You can substitute the xylitol in the chocolate mixture for ½ cup raw honey. I opted for xylitol because there was already so much honey in the cake, and honey is very high on the glycemic index, especially for people with diabetes, PCOD, thyroid disease, obesity, and other endocrine diseases.

4. Because this is a healthy recipe, I strongly recommend using eggs from free range, organic hens that are NOT fed grains; butter and other dairy products that are from grass-fed organic dairy; raw, unpasteurized organic honey; and organic ingredients whenever possible.

5. For more information on mycotoxins and why I avoid grain and sugar, please refer to Know the Cause

Ransomed Dreams by Sally John

2010-04-26T22:12:00.005-04:00

A book review

Sheridan Montgomery, the wife of Eliot Montgomery, former U.S. Ambassador to Venezuela, has gone from her dream life to her worst nightmare after her husband was seriously wounded in a shooting. She felt she had lost everything - her husband, her career, her peace of mind, and nearly all contact with the outside world - in a matter of mere minutes. Choosing to retreat to a remote Mexican village to escape the trauma of the incident and to care for her disabled husband, she thought she had put distance between herself and her worst fears. But when her father's failing health and her sister's plea to return home forces her to leave her safety zone and her dependent husband, the realities of her strained family relationships, the disappointments of her marriage, discoveries about her parents' pasts, and the feelings she has developed for her savior Luke Traynor are just some of the realities she must face before she can find herself again.

For anyone who thinks that fiction is simply an indulgence to escape reality, this book will be a huge surprise. The story will resonate with anyone who has ever found himself in the midst of unexpected and disappointing life circumstances and asked, "How did I get here, and how can I escape?" As a person whose life has taken dramatic turns in the area of my health, I empathized with the struggles of both Sheridan's character, who feels forced to swallow the bitter pill of a life lost, and that of her husband Eliot, who is trapped by his body and paralyzed with fear that he will end up alone. But not until they reach the end of themselves and turn back to God, do they find peace to reconcile damaged relationships and rediscover their love for each other. The story is dramatic and action-packed, but it is also full of life-changing truths. This is surely one work of fiction that will be worth your time!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Tyndale House Publishers as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

"Gigi's Big Break" - Sheila Walsh's Gigi, God's Little Princess

2010-03-10T14:12:00.008-05:00

A Children's DVD Review:

"Gigi's Big Break" is a two-story DVD about Gigi, the main character from Sheila Walsh's children's books. In the first story, Gigi breaks a vase but blames it on her pet cat. When her mom doubts her story, Gigi embellishes it to convince her, but the lies continue to grow until Gigi can no longer bear it and finally confesses. Her parents help her see the damage that lying can do.

The second story begins with Gigi learning that she is going to be a big sister. Gigi's first response is, "Why?" She's used to being the only child and the center of their world. Afraid that her parents will no longer love her when the baby arrives, she plans to run away and live with her best friend. But Mom and Dad reassure her their love for her will never change, and she soon discovers the joy of being a big sister.

I am an adult woman with no children, but I enjoy a lot of animated children's movies. This is also my first encounter with the Gigi series. Gigi is quite a self-centered "drama queen" with a vivid and outrageous imagination. But she is quick to learn from her mistakes and grasp the Bible lesson found in her experiences. Although the animation is certainly not the quality most children are used to seeing today, and the voice of Gigi is actually quite annoying, the bright colors and music, as well as the story itself are sure to capture the attention of young school-age children. And the biblical principles taught in the amusing stories are certainly valuable for character building. For those reasons, I would recommend this DVD to friends with young daughters.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this DVD free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Tabitha Who?

2010-03-09T17:45:00.013-05:00

"Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it." I Corinthians 12:27

"With all your talent and potential, you're gonna do great things for God one day!" I heard this repeatedly as I was growing up. My competitive/achiever nature often caused me to stand out among my peers, and there was always another award to add to my list of accomplishments. I had big goals and high hopes for my future. That all changed when I became The Sick Girl.

Now my biggest achievements are having the strength to fold last week's laundry, empty the dishwasher for the first time in 3 days, or mop the kitchen floor for only the second time in four months (no, I'm not kidding!). My current successes would be considered failures by most. I may not even see another human being, besides my husband, for a week at a time. How then can I ever expect to do these "great things for God?"

God spoke to me recently through Sheila Walsh's new book. She talks about the story of Tabitha in Acts 9:36-42. If you're wondering, "Tabitha who?" it's because those 7 verses are the only mention of her in the Bible. She never did anything amazing that would stick out in our minds, and we certainly don't think of her when we name the great characters of the Bible. Yet, when she died, the Christians in her home town were devastated. They went so far as to send two men to track down Peter and ask him to come back right away. When Peter returned and found all the widows standing around grieving, he raised her from the dead through the power of Christ!

Why her? She wasn't an apostle or a prominent leader in the church. All she did was sew clothes for the poor. Verse 36 describes her as "always doing good and helping the poor." That's nice, but it's not a great work of God. Or is it? Maybe the things we consider important and worthy of notice are not quite as important to God. That's an epiphany for me! My religious background was always about what I was doing to serve the Lord. It was about being at the church "every time the doors are open," going on weekly visitation, and singing solos before the entire congregation - all things I'm not physically able to do anymore. Does that mean I've missed my chance to fulfill God's purpose for my life? The Enemy would like for me to think so!

But the Bible tells me that God has a purpose for me and a place in the body of Christ where I can serve. These days that may not be a high-profile position in my church or community. Maybe it's being an encourager to others also dealing with chronic illness by praying for them, saying an uplifting word on Facebook, being honest about my struggles through this blog, or making a Prayer Shawl for them in my church's knitting ministry (kind of like Tabitha was doing in her church!).

But let's not miss the end of Tabitha's story. Verse 42 tells us that the story of her resurrection "became known all over Joppa, and many people believed in the Lord." Because she became sick and died, Jesus Christ received glory, and many precious souls were saved. What a testimony! Isn't that what all believers are called to do with our time on Earth?

Dear Lord, help me to remember that You have a purpose for my life every single day. Even though I may not feel like an important contributor to Your work, I will trust that you will use my humble offering - right here where I am - to glorify Your name and cause others to believe in You.

"Beautiful Things Happen When a Woman Trusts God" by Sheila Walsh

2010-03-03T12:18:00.008-05:00

A Book Review

Fear: a tool used by the Enemy to keep us from God's purpose for our lives. That fear often paralyzes us, keeping us from having the courage to believe God has it all under control. But as Sheila Walsh shares the story of her own struggles with fear and the journey of several Bible characters who also had to overcome fear to come to a place of faith, we find that beautiful things do indeed happen when we begin to trust God.

I am not usually one who enjoys non-fiction books, but as someone with chronic illness who struggles daily with the subject of trusting God, I was inexplicably drawn to this topic. And I soon discovered God had some amazing lessons in store as Sheila shared her heart through these pages. I was captivated by how closely I identified with both Sheila and the biblical figures as they wrestled with their fear of being too broken for God to use, fear of allowing others to see their failures, or fear that they may have missed their chance in life to do something for God. I feel that anyone who reads this amazing book will come away knowing that, like Sheila, "all I have to offer anyone else is a life surrendered to Christ so that his beauty and grace shine through my brokenness" (p.15).

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Pursued

2010-02-05T13:57:00.010-05:00

"Why do I always have to be the one that pursues people? Sometimes I want to be pursued!" This was my outcry as I recently explained to a friend how sad and frustrating it can be trying to make friends with women when you have two "strikes" against you: 1. chronic illness and 2. no children. It took me years to figure out what the problem was; I kept wondering what I was doing wrong. Was I not friendly enough? Did I talk too much? Was I too self-centered? Should I have done more to reach out? But then I started to notice how women with children were always getting together with women who had children. They would go to the mall together, take the kids to the zoo, or invite them over for a lunch picnic. I tried to invite women to things that centered on their children, like a day at the beach with her kids. But I kept striking out. I figured that's just one club I will never be invited into.

But even women in different stages of life - single, married with no children, married with older or grown children - they didn't seem to connect with me either. I never got invites for a "girls' night out" or shopping trip. I even tried to have things like make-up or jewelry parties at my house so that I could interact with other women and get to know them better. It wasn't until a recent conversation with my Life Coach that my fears were confirmed: people don't want to be friends with someone who has chronic illness. It's too complicated and requires too much commitment and energy; so why bother? I realize it's more complicated to make plans with me because I need a lot of notice, don't have the stamina for a long day out, and require a lot of "paraphernalia" just to leave the house. But I just wish someone would think I was worth the extra effort.

Ironically, there have been a couple ladies who have reached out to me. But I soon learned they viewed me as a "ministry" or a "project" and not as a real friend. I guess they felt it was their duty to take me to doctor appointments or visit me in the hospital. But when it came time for the fun stuff, I never made their guest list. And those same women never seemed to have any problems of their own. They never asked me for help or prayer and never shared their frustrations about their marriage or finances. It started to feel very one-sided. I wanted to share in her life and be a friend to her. But you don't make friends with your project.

God has blessed me with a very small number of friends who have loved me through some of the most difficult times in my life. But most of these women live far away and can't interact with me in person. We talk on the phone, on Facebook, or by email, and they are a blessing in my life as I believe I am in theirs. But it's just not the same as having a day at the mall or getting mani-pedi's at the day spa. Maybe that's just too much commitment. I wish someone would think I was worth the trouble and pursue a real friendship with me.

"My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds; my neighbors stay far away" - Psalm 38:11.

Chicken Veggie Stir-Fry

2010-01-29T19:56:00.008-05:00

It's been an adventure for me to find and create easy Phase One (www.knowthecause.com) recipes. Here's one I came up with tonight when I needed to find something quick, using the groceries we already had in the house. Enjoy...

Chicken Veggie Stir-Fry

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into chunks
Mrs. Dash Original
Salt & Pepper
Sesame Oil
2 medium yellow onions, chopped
Fresh broccoli florets
(or chunks of any other fresh veggies, i.e
carrots, bell peppers, cauliflower, zucchini, etc)
2 ice cubes

Saute onions on medium heat in generous amount of sesame oil, allowing onions to brown and carmelize (20 minutes) You may need to periodically add more sesame oil to keep them from sticking to the pan.
Cover chicken w/ salt, freshly-ground pepper, and generous amount of Mrs. Dash.
Add more sesame oil.
Brown chicken thoroughly, stirring often.
When chicken is cooked through, add fresh veggies and 2 cubes of ice.
Cover and turn on low heat. Allow veggies to steam for 15 minutes, soaking up flavor of onions)

This was delicious! And if you are on not on Phase One, you can add snow peas, which are yummy in stir-fry. You could also serve this over brown rice. But if you're grain-free like me, you will enjoy it just with the meat and veggies. Also, you could substitute pork, turkey, or beef for the chicken.

Deja Vu All Over Again

2009-12-10T02:11:00.008-05:00

I've had so many major improvements in my health over the past few months. I've lost 32 pounds, gotten off several medications, seen a drastic reduction in the frequency and severity of my cataplexy attacks, and had a dramatic increase in my energy levels. So, I really didn't see this one coming: the dreaded pain in my side is back. I noticed it creeping in a few weeks ago but hoped it was just my imagination. But one night at bedtime it was so severe that I could not sleep despite the strong sedative I take at night for my narcolepsy. That's when I knew it was really back.

For four years I endured daily pain in my left side. It was a constant pull of heaviness, as if I had a small barbell inside me. Then, at various times throughout the day the sharp, stabbing pains would come. For several days each month the stabbing pain was constant and so severe at times that I would become nauseated. The only way I could function was to stay medicated with various narcotics. Over time, I actually became dependent on the narcotics. The diagnosis was endometriosis. And I had several surgeries to "remove" the tissue that was growing all over my bladder, colon, and other internal organs. But the pain kept coming back with a vengeance. Finally, I found a reproductive endocrinologist that believed most of my pain was not from endometriosis but from two pelvic hernias. He performed a surgery to repair the hernias but also removed endometriosis by cutting out the tissue along with the areas underneath, rather than just by burning it off, which is the typical procedure performed in these cases. After healing from the surgery, I was completely pain-free for over two years.

But with my recent change in treatment for thyroid disease from the substandard drug levoxyl to natural Armour thyroid, my body began performing normal hormone functions again. Unfortunately, I believe this has caused the endometriosis to begin growing again. I haven't had this confirmed by a doctor yet, but I recognize the old, familiar pain. I've been down all week with the pain, unable to stand or walk around much without making it worse. I've tried heating pads and even strong anti-inflammatories that only upset my stomach. But nothing's working. Which is why I'm blogging about this at 2am, unable to sleep again. My doctor tried to blame the pain on "muscle spasms" due to my being overweight, which is classic behavior when doctors don't want to bother with a proper diagnosis. After all, overweight women with unknown symptoms and unexplained pain are surely merely suffering from depression and symptoms caused directly from obesity. Oh, brother! What a cop-out! I'm going back to him tomorrow to strongly suggest he pull his head out of his hindquarters and take me seriously this time. Considering my extensive history, which he didn't bother to consider at my last visit, it's certainly probable I'm dealing with a relapse in my endometriosis.

But this time I'm not having surgery, and I refuse to become addicted to narcotics again. I believe we need to consider my progesterone levels, although I am already taking natural progesterone, and we should probably do an ultrasound to make sure there's no cyst or tumor and that the graft from my hernia repair hasn't become dislodged or anything. And I plan to get a high-quality curcumin (which comes from the spice turmeric) supplement to help with the pain. Apparently I still have some fungus growing in my body, so I will continue to rotate my anti-fungal supplements (olive leaf extract and caprylic acid) and keep sticking to the Phase One anti-fungal diet I've been doing for over 3 months (http://www.knowthecause.com). It would be easy to let this really discourage me and cause me to throw my hands up and surrender to the drugs and surgery solutions the doctors so quickly throw at problems like this. But I know I'm on the right track, although I clearly have a long way to go.

Easy Button - The Conclusion

2009-11-18T14:47:00.011-05:00

So, whatever happened with my search for the Easy Button? I'm sure you're dying to know "the rest of the story." I am too! I don't think there IS an end. But there's definitely a lesson in there somewhere. I've been praying for over a year now that God would "show me great and mighty things I do not know" in regard to my health, our business, and my marriage. If you've read previous posts, you know I have these "333" sightings all the time and use them to remind me of Jeremiah 33:3. Each time I see the triple 3's, I pray that request to God. The past 18 months have been very difficult and very uncomfortable. In my experience, if you keep trusting God through times like these, it usually results in God doing a great work in your life. But I'll admit it: I can be impatient. And God and I have had some pretty heated conversations over the past several months. I even asked HIM about the Easy Button. And here's what He told me:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

He kept giving me that passage, and I didn't get it at first. But then I changed my outlook and decided to trust that God had a purpose in all of this. I still don't know everything He has planned, but I started to see that he'd been answering my prayers all along. Without the recent seriousness of my health condition, I don't think I would have had the motivation to take charge of my health like I have. After just a few months, I have seen amazing improvements in my body. I believe there are better days ahead. When we moved from our beautiful home, I was hurt and angry. But the house we live in now is within 15 minutes of our clients and my doctors. And we live within a few miles of all the health food stores where I do a lot of my food shopping. We have a much smaller yard and home to take care of. This has taken a huge amount of stress off my husband, who had to drive at least an hour to get home from work every day, to take me to the doctor, and to make a special trip out here to get the food I need from the health food store. If I have an emergency at home, he can get to me in minutes, and he's been getting home earlier each evening.

There have been some other opportunities in the area of our business that have opened up because of our move, although we're still waiting to see how God works this out. And although I still don't have the answers about why we don't seem to have a support system in our lives to help out with the heavy burden my health puts on our lives, I am hopeful that the Lord will give us His divine revelation on practical ways we can lessen that burden on my husband's life. God has blessed me with the opportunity to work with a Christian life coach, and she gave me a great word picture to give me hope in this area. She explained that people often say, "that's the last straw," in referring to that circumstance that causes someone to say like Popeye, "That's all I can stands; I can't stands no more!" But what if we could remove things, one straw at a time - one burden at a time? We don't have to solve all our problems with some big epiphany all at once. Sometimes it's just one little solution at a time. And that sounds do-able to me.

So, although I didn't find a big red button to push, I'm starting to understand that quiet voice that keeps telling me, "Give it to Me; let Me carry that weight for you. Just rest in My loving arms and trust." His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.

How the Church Can Minister to the Chronically Ill

2009-11-11T11:24:00.002-05:00

Ministering to the Chronically Ill: 20 Ways That Take 20 Minutes
by Lisa Copen

Rest Ministries (www.restministries.com), the largest Christian organization that specifically serves the chronically ill, recently did a survey and asked people to "List some of the programs or resources a church could offer to make it more inviting and comfortable." They have provided a sampling of some of the 800+ responses, all of which could be done in 20 minutes or less.

1. Encouragement emails.
2. Make sure the handicapped stalls in the restroom are functioning and clean.
3. Padded chairs or cushions, room for wheelchairs, and plenty of room for my family to sit with me.
4. Be open-minded about a support group for the chronically ill like HopeKeepers. It would make me feel very special, knowing that there is an understanding of people's needs that are not always visible.
5. Add more disabled parking, even if they are temporary spots.
6. Educate the ushers that people arriving late may have difficulty walking or getting out of cars and will need some assistance.
7. Ask volunteers to call people with chronic illness just to check on them when they don't make it to services.
8. When suppers are given, recognize that I may need help getting my meal--or at least understand that I won't be able to wait in a long line.
9. Be gentle when giving people big hugs. It can topple over or hurt a person.
10. Have a video tape of the service, not just a live web cast. Not all our computers work that well.
11. Make sure that the church doors aren't too difficult to open or at least have mechanical assistance if they're unusually heavy.
12. Stop telling me that if I really believed and had faith I would be healed by now. Please don't insist how good I look, because I know for a fact that I look terrible and miserable that day.
13. Offer me ways to serve within the church that can be performed regularly, but not on a set schedule. I still want to contribute, but I need some flexibility so that I can do a job when I feel well enough to do so.
14. Have sermon notes available so I can listen later or even just review what I didn't catch the first time.
15. Acknowledge National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week. Rest Ministries has a nice book list of top 100 Christian books for the chronically ill. It would make a nice display in your bookstore that week.
16. Just mention chronic illness occasionally! Don't forget to talk about it in sermons as one of the challenges many people face just like unemployment or divorce.
17. Have Christian volunteers from church that will clean house for small fee. Some have offered to clean my house, but I cannot accept charity yet, but neither can I afford to pay a regular house cleaning service.
18. Help with some of the small costs of providing encouraging books and resources for the church library the chronically ill can check out.
19. Remember how many caregivers are in the church, not just caregiving for their parents, but also for their spouses or ill children.
20. Have copies of sermons for free on CD or computer.
Find over 500 ways to encourage a chronically ill friend in the book "Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend" at www.beyondcasseroles.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know that some days can seem like more than you can handle. Remember that the Lord promises to never leave you or forsake you. Cling to that. Even when you don't feel his presence He is still there. I tell my 6-year-old son that God is working "under cover." I know I am each day, especially righr now!

Blessings,

Lisa Copen, Rest Ministries Founder
Rest Ministries Chronic Illness Pain Support

Easy Button - Continued

2009-11-10T11:31:00.004-05:00

The whole object of my going up to Michigan to be with my family was to give my husband a break from being my full-time caregiver and to get a "jump-start" on my new "detox" program, right? It was supposed to be like the Easy Button. But I think we pressed the wrong button. Because shortly after I got to Michigan we found out that we were going to have to move.

Now, in order to understand the full impact this news had on us, you would have to know a few things: 1) We have moved A LOT in our ten years of marriage; probably more than most people move in a lifetime, and we were DONE with moving. 2)Our house and our property was our "dream house." We had always talked about living on 10 acres out in the country, but we thought we would have to find a piece of land and slowly build a home on it. But when we first drove up to this house, I just could not believe it; the perfect piece of land with a beautiful house already built on it! So we had poured our hearts into this home and this land. We painted most of the rooms and even painted a football field on the wall of the office, where we hung all of our football memorabilia. My husband laid a beautiful paver patio, with a walkway leading out to the pool we put in. He made me a prayer garden under a big tree in the front yard. We had stocked our pond with hundreds of fish and had been feeding them every night and watching them grow. My husband had made me a tree swing in the back yard. We had planted trees in memorial to the babies we had lost. We had fallen in love with our home and put down roots for the FIRST time in our marriage. This was devastating. 3)We had less than 3 weeks to pack up and move, and we had no where to move. 4)I was in no condition to pack, and I was 1000 miles away!

I think I cried for 48 hours straight. And I spent the next few weeks with a giant knot in my stomach and a sharp pain in my chest. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn't even pray. I could not fathom why God would allow this to happen to us in the midst of all of the other major things we were experiencing. And I remember thinking, "One of us is going to have a heart attack or a nervous breakdown." I honestly was afraid for my husband's emotional well-being; he'd already been at his breaking point before we got this latest news. I mean, that's why I was in Michigan in the first place. He was already overwhelmed, and the last thing he needed was to make the biggest move of our lives ALL BY HIMSELF. I shared my concerns with a couple of people from my church and even asked them to please check in with him because I was so concerned. NOT A SINGLE PERSON FROM OUR CHURCH CONTACTED EITHER OF US IN ANY WAY DURING THOSE 3 WEEKS THAT WE WERE GOING THROUGH SOME OF THE MOST DIFFICULT DAYS OF OUR LIVES. NOT ONE. This broke my heart even more.

To Be Continued...

Where's The Easy Button?

2009-11-05T11:06:00.007-05:00

These past few months have been very hard. My health continued to get progressively worse, we were losing a lot of business and were still unable to pay ourselves a regular income all this year, and my poor husband just could not get a break from all the stress and responsibility of running a struggling business, being a caregiver to his wife, and basically taking care of everything that needs done to run a household. On top of all my other health problems, my doctors decided that I have a serious liver disease that was affecting my heart and would apparently eventually kill me. The worst part was that my husband and I were dealing with all of this alone. Despite moving our church membership to a church closer to home, we had not been able to connect with anyone in the church and still had no support system in dealing with all of this. We were burned out, stressed out, and just plain out of ideas on where to turn or what to do. And all I kept thinking about in my mind was, "We really need one of those 'Easy Buttons'!" You know: the ones from the office supply store commercial where you just press that big red Easy Button and help rains down upon you from the sky.

I felt like my husband I and were literally on fire in the middle of a crowd, and that we were jumping up and down hollering for help while everyone in the crowd just walked on by, talking and laughing and going about their business. We just felt like everything was falling apart and no help was in sight. I know that everyone deals with problems and struggles in life, but we were constantly being hit with one after the other. And then my health status went from "deteriorating" to "crisis" mode with the latest news about my liver and heart. And we knew something had to change drastically. So I made an executive decision that I was gonna get off as many pharmaceuticals as possible in order to give my liver a break, fire all my doctors except for my primary and my narcolepsy specialist, and I was going to detox my body and really focus on putting natural, healthy things in.

This type of program takes a lot of time, a lot of money, a lot of support and help, and a lot of energy. I certainly had the time, but none of the other things. And the way I was eating, which was the most important part of my "treamtent" (Phase One antifungal diet from knowthecause.com) required that almost everything be made "from scratch. That means nothing that comes in a can, a bottle, a package, or from a restaurant. I'm talking about the kind of cooking where you have to use every kitchen appliance, utensil, pot, and pan you own just to make one meal. I didn't mind the restrictions on eating so much, but I was literally to the point where I could barely stand up for more than a couple minutes at a time. There were times when I would start to black out whenever I stood up and I barely had enough strength to walk 10 feet. There were a few occasions where I barely made it into the kitchen, so weak and shaky that I had to just lie down on the kitchen floor for 15-20 minutes until I could get what I came in there for. And if I could muster the strength to prepare myself some kind of food, there was NO WAY I could clean up the mess I had made. So I would just have to leave it. Me. Leave a mess.

After coming home finding me lying on the floor, not having eaten or drank anything all day, my husband realized we couldn't do this all by ourselves anymore. So he asked my dad to drive 20 hours down from Michigan to take me up there for a few weeks so that my parents could help out. So I packed bags, boxes, and coolers full of food; all kinds of kitchen appliances and utensils; our puppy, his food, his kennel and other paraphernalia; and enough clothes and stuff to last a month. We had no idea when I would be able to come back home. And it was a tearful, anxious goodbye.

To Be Continued...

Wahoo! Cheesecake

2009-10-29T23:29:00.004-04:00

A lot of people say that the Phase One (www.knowthecause.com) diet is too hard or too restrictive. But I think that if you have delicious foods to eat, made by replacing "forbidden" ingredients, you will find that it's not as difficult as you think. I had this cheesecake during my first 30 days when I was staying with my parents - my mom made it for me - and it was heavenly! Tonight is my first time making it myself, and I can smell the crust baking right now. Here's the recipe for a grain-free, sugar-free, Phase One-friendly cheesecake:

Crust
2 cups finely ground walnuts (other nuts can be used)
3 T. organic, unsalted butter
2 T. cinnamon
Stevia, to taste (optional) You will need very little as it goes a long way

Combine ground nuts, butter, cinnamon, and stevia using a pastry blender or fork
Press into 9-10" pan
Bake at 350 degrees for 12 minutes

Filling
12 oz. organic cream cheese
2 eggs
1 T. lemon juice
1/2 cup organic heavy whipping cream
Stevia, to taste

Combine cream cheese, Stevia, lemon, and 1 egg; blend until smooth
Add 2nd egg
Fold in whipping cream
Pour into crust
Bake at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes
Cool to room temperature (top will crack)
Refrigerate minimum 2 hours.
Top with fresh berries

The crust just came out of the oven, and it smells great! I like to let my cream cheese sit out to get to room temperature before mixing, but it should be ready now. If you make this recipe, let me know how you liked it!

Roasted Cinnamon Almonds

2009-10-27T00:04:00.007-04:00

People have asked me for some Know the Cause Phase One Diet recipes. The following is actually in the cookbook that you can order from knowthecause.com, but I'll post it here. It's one of my favorites because it's very simple and something I can take with me to the movies, on a road trip, or to a sports event so that I won't be tempted to eat something at one of the concessions:

Roasted Cinnamon Almonds

1 egg white
1 tsp cold water
4 cups whole, raw almonds
1/4 cup stevia powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 T. cinnamon
Coconut oil

Beat egg white and cold water until frothy.
Mix in nuts until all are moistened

Mix dry ingredients in separate bowl.
Sprinkle over nuts until coated.
Grease jelly roll pan (small cookie sheet) with coconut oil.
Spread nuts evenly over pan.
Bake at 250 degrees for 30 minutes, then turn nuts over and bake another 30 minutes

I've also used pecans for this recipe, and they were very good also.

To Make a Long Story Short...

2009-10-22T10:08:00.019-04:00

The past month has been very eventful, and I know it's been a long time since I posted - shame on me! I thought it would be a good idea to give you an update on my life and health. Inquiring minds want to know, apparently. Where to begin? Well...it all began in the spring when a friend of a Facebook friend contacted me and referred me to this website. With all my health issues, the one thing I thought was under control was my thyroid disease. But I soon learned that I, like hundreds of thousands of thyroid patients, was on the wrong medication. I found a doctor in my area who prescribes natural thyroid hormone and also believes in taking elimination of symptoms into consideration when adjusting medication levels, rather than just thyroid lab tests. After 8 consecutive months of gaining up to 10lbs/month, I immediately stopped gaining weight. My new doc also started me on natural progesterone to treat my Polycystic Ovarian Disease (PCOD).

Over the next few months, my doctor continued to monitor my symptoms and my hormone levels, adjusting my medicines accordingly. I almost immediately saw a major reduction in two symptoms I'd been plagued with for years: excessive sweating and severe digestive problems. However, I did develop some new heart symptoms which included an elevated heart rate, chest pain, and sudden drops in my blood pressure that caused me to pass out or fall down. I saw a cardiologist and had several tests done to determine the cause of this. We're still not 100% sure of the cause of these symptoms, and I continue to have episodes with my heart from time to time. I'm told there is nothing wrong with my heart, but that I have another condition that is affecting the functioning of my heart.

In August, a friend and I began following The Maker's Diet by Jordan Rubin, which is a way of eating that follows biblical principles concerning food. I lost a few pounds doing this but nothing major. But then, at the urging of my mom, I started watching a television show called "Know the Cause" on the Christian Television Network. The host, Doug Kaufmann, teaches that most diseases actually come from fungus, mold, and mildew rather than bacteria and viruses. He has authored several books on the subject and also has a website: www.knowthecause.com. The more information I heard and saw, the more I believed that this concept made a LOT of sense. I had been urging my doctors for years to find a commonality among all my diagnoses, believing firmly that one person could not have so many separate diseases without them being somehow related. I wanted to "know the cause" instead of just treating the symptoms with drugs, drugs, and more drugs. So I began the Phase One antifungal diet on September 1st.

In the past several weeks I have lost 25 pounds, I have gotten off 4 medications, and I have seen a reduction in the severity and frequency of my heart symptoms and my cataplexy attacks. This is a miracle! For the first time in my adult life I feel like I am getting better! I can see actual tangible evidence of an improvement in my health. That's not to say that I am cured, by any means. I have a LONG way to go before I could ever consider referring to myself as healthy. And there are still serious health issues involving my heart and liver that need to be addressed. But I believe I am on the right path. And that includes continuing to rid my body of mold, mildew, and fungus; getting off as many pharmaceutical drugs as possible, putting only the purest, natural substances into my body - whether it be food, beauty products, cleaning products, etc.; and supplementing with high quality vitamins and nutritional supplements, tailored to my particular conditions and symptoms.

This is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I am convinced that I am doing the right thing. And I believe that anyone dealing with a chronic health issue can benefit from the information at Know the Cause and from Doug Kaufmann. Please continue to keep me and my husband in your prayers as this continues to be one of the most difficult times in our lives.

This I can say with 100% assurance, though: God's promises are true, and He is faithful. Take Him up on His offers:

"Call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things,which you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him." James 1:5

Cataplexy 101

2009-09-28T01:27:00.006-04:00

I was surprised recently to learn that most of my immediate family did not know what to do when I had a cataplexy attack at a family gathering yesterday. The following is some information I pieced together from various sources, including my own experience, to explain what cataplexy is and what to do if I have an attack. Most doctors have never even heard of it and have no idea what to do. I started carrying information sheets around with me to hand out to people and especially to give to all my doctors. Feel free to duplicate this information; we need to educate people about this disease.

WHAT IS CATAPLEXY?
Cataplexy is a feature of the sleep disorder narcolepsy. It is a condition whereby the sufferer, or cataplectic, experiences a total loss of muscle control and postural tone. It is likely to be more severe when a person is tired, under stress, or experiencing strong emotions. It is extremely unpredictable both in severity and frequency. The attacks do not necessarily have a fixed schedule; they may occur occasionally but may also occur multiple times a day. Patients may be prescribed antidepressants to control the attacks and may also take a night-time medicine called Xyrem, the pharmaceutical equivalent of GHB, to produce the quality of sleep needed to help control the attacks. It is important for cataplexy sufferers to adhere to a strict sleep and medicine schedule to avoid severe, prolonged attacks.

WHAT HAPPENS DURING A CATAPLEXY ATTACK?
Cataplexy is often confused with epilepsy. The nature of the attacks may vary from individual to individual. The following characteristics of an attack can occur alone or in combinations with others: perceptible slacking of the facial muscles, dropping of the jaw or head, knee buckling, slumping of the shoulders, slurring of speech, blurred vision, or falling to the floor. When falling to the ground, the cataplectic may appear to lose consciousness but simply remains motionless for a few minutes before resuming normal behaviors or drifting into some prolonged sleep. There is no loss of consciousness or awareness of surroundings; the person can still hear, feel, and sometimes see things that are going on during the attack.

WHAT CAUSES A CATAPLEXY ATTACK?
Cataplexy is often caused by strong emotions such as exhilaration, surprise, fear, anger, stress, shock, laughter, anxiety, etc., but these do not have to be present for an attack to occur. For this reason, a person suffering from cataplexy will not benefit from “revival methods” often used on an unconscious person. Actions such as yelling, slapping, or shaking should be avoided, and sternum rubs or ammonia inhalants will not be effective and can, in fact, make the attack worse by causing anxiety to the patient.

WHAT SHOULD BE DONE FOR A PATIENT DURING AN ATTACK?
1. It is most important to stay calm, remembering that the cataplectic is conscious and aware of your behavior and that your anxiety can affect the severity or length of the attack.
2. Be sure the individual will not injure themselves by falling and that their airway is not obstructed by the position of their neck/head. There is no need to move the person unless one of the above circumstances presents itself.
3. Unless the person has stopped breathing, has no pulse, or has injured herself in some way, CALL THEIR EMERGENCY CONTACT BEFORE CALLING 911. This contact will know more about the disease than almost any medical personnel and can advise you more on how to respond. If they feel emergency medical personnel should be called, that is the time to call.
4. Avoid drawing undue attention to the situation, which can cause embarrassment and discomfort to the individual.
5. Sufferers have different preferences about what onlookers can do to help. Some prefer to be left alone, while others my need to be supported or helped up. It is common for the person to prefer being left alone to recover of their own accord.

HOW DOES THIS DISEASE AFFECT LIFESTYLE?
Cataplexy can be disruptive to daily living. It can cause embarrassment, loss of confidence, and even detrimental consequences to the patient. Further, it can impair most desired activities such as driving, working out at the gym, or even holding a child, because one can never know when the attack might present itself. Because this is a rare condition, most medical personnel will not recognize it or know how to treat it. For this reason, the patient and their regular caregiver should be relied upon greatly for information about both the condition and also that patient’s particular regimen of treatment.

Greatest Hits - What You Should Know Before You Head to the ER

2009-09-16T01:36:00.005-04:00

In honor of Invisible Illness Awareness Week, I am reposting the following that I blogged last year when I was, ironically, hospitalized for pancreatitis during Invisible Illness Week:

"What You Should Know BEFORE You Head to the ER"

Originally Posted Thursday, September 11, 2008

Here I am in the hospital...again. Ironically, this is Invisible Illness Awareness Week, but I've been too ill to participate in any of the BlogRadio conferences I've been looking forward to for months. Instead, I'm lying in a hospital bed wearing a sweaty hospital gown, having not bathed or washed my hair in 3 days, and worst of all, I haven't eaten or even had a glass of water in 48 hours! Of course, I can't stop fantasizing about a bacon cheeseburger, so if only to distract myself, I think this is the perfect time for me to editorialize on how you can be your #1 advocate in an acute illness situation, especially when that illness seems to be invisible to medical professionals. Hold on to your bedpans, ladies and gentlemen...here we go.

1. First of all, never go to the hospital alone. Bring along a close friend or family member that knows about your health history, and make sure it's someone feisty and bold enough to speak up on your behalf. Even the most stubborn, self-confident person can turn into a pitiful puddle of surrender when faced with severe pain, weakness, or strong medications.

2. Don't go into battle unarmed. Bring a detailed list of all your medications and how and when you take them, as well as the actual medications themselves. Also include a list of any chronic health conditions, allergies, and the contact information of any doctors who are currently treating you. Don't trust this information to memory.

3. Bring a "comfort item." For me, this is my mp3 player, loaded with some of the most encouraging songs I know. When you're lying in that bed waiting for hours for that first dose of pain medication, there's nothing better than being able to focus your mind on something positive. The TV doesn't do it for me, and it doesn't help to hear the medical staff outside your curtain laughing, gossiping, and ordering dinner when you're struggling not to make a deposit into the emesis basin.

4. Rehearse your response to the question, "What brings you here today?". Studies show that doctors ordinarily stop listening to you after the first 30 seconds, so find a clear, concise way to get the most important information into their mind as quickly as possible, and pause until they make eye contact with you. It's amazing how doctors can focus their diagnostics and treatments on an obscure symptom and ignore the big picture, simply because of the way you presented your case.

5. Ask LOTS of questions, and if you don't understand their jargon, ask them to say it in simple layman's terms. Don't be intimidated by their education; no one knows more about your body than you do! Remember to find out why they are recommending a particular course of action, what the possible side effects may be, and whether they are aware of your health conditions or other medications. Just because it's in your chart doesn't mean they know about it.

6. Don't accept any treatment that you don't understand or did not make your own informed decision to accept. This includes the drawing of blood, starting an IV, and especially allowing yourself to be injected with any medication. You would be shocked to know the number of times I have stopped someone as they were about to inject a drug into my IV that I am allergic to...even though it was listed on my chart or even my allergy bracelet. Ask them to state aloud the name and dosage amount before they just shoot you up. Doctors and nurses make mistakes...don't just lie back and expect them to take care of you.

7. Stand up for yourself. Don't be bullied into believing "it's all in your head" when they haven't been able to diagnose the problem. Ask what other tests can be done to take a second look. Insist they draw blood and repeat tests if you've been there for hours and are feeling worse; something may have changed since that first blood draw. Ask leading questions to make them think about other possibilities that they haven't thought of yet. Repeat back to them what they said in your own words; not only will this ensure you understand, but it will also give them a chance to hear their position restated by someone else, which often causes them to realize it doesn't make sense.

8. Use respectful approaches to disagreeing with your health care providers. Rather than expressing anger, try disappointment. For example, "I understand you have a lot of cases you're working on at the same time, but I am really diappointed that I have not yet had a chance to see my treating doctor. Could you please check to see if he/she has even a brief moment to stop in?" Rather than accusing, try questions like, "Is it possible that something was overlooked? Could you ask a colleague to review that x-ray with you a second time, just to be sure?"

9. Don't be afraid to make suggestions as to the course of diagnostics or treatment. If you think of something that may make a difference, respectfully bring it up. The patient is THE best source of information that contributes to the diagnosis of his illness. Don't hold back facts, symptoms, or history that you might find insignificant or embarrassing; you never know what that one missing piece can do to fill in the puzzle for that doctor.

10. If you truly believe your assigned provider is neglecting your care, has made a snap judgment about you that is interfering with his objectivity, or seems unwilling to allow you participate in your own health care treatment, bring in reinforcements. Ask to speak to a more senior doctor, such as an attending physician. Call your own family doctor and ask them to step in on your behalf. Sometimes if you approach your doctor directly about what you feel is happening, they will ask a colleague to take over the case. Keep in mind how you would feel if someone was suggesting you weren't performing well in your area of expertise.

11. Trust your own judgment. If something feels wrong or uncomfortable, if you feel you're being rushed or pressured into something, or if you have a strong suspicion you know what could be causing your symptoms, listen to that voice. Ask them to slow down, to explain things again, or to give you moment to think or discuss the issue with someone you trust. You are in charge; you don't have to turn over complete control to any medical professional. Don't sit on the sidelines; get in the game! Remember...there is no one more concerned about your health than you are.

Now...about that burger....

Seminars & Speakers for Invisible Illness Virtual Conference

2009-09-14T17:14:00.002-04:00

I just attended a seminar on issues relating to chronic illness, and I didn't even have to leave the living room. This week is Invisible Illness week, and those of us who deal with chronic illness or have a loved one who has chronic illness understand how difficult it is to travel to or sit through a normal conference. But this conference can be listened to online through blog radio from the comfort of your own home. I heard from Jennifer Jaff, Esquire, an attorney advocate for people with chronic illness. She spoke about health insurance and pre-existing conditions and gave a lot of practical advice that was very beneficial to people with health conditions and the struggles we have to understand and weed through all the "red tape" involved in insurance, disability benefits, etc. I was even able to call in and speak with the host to ask a question of my own. There are several seminars each day this week, and I'm sure that you or someone you know could learn a lot by tuning it to at least one of these sessions. Check out the information below for details on the virtual conference's schedule, speakers, and topics. The seminar times are listed in Pacific time.

09 Seminars & Speakers

Construction Zone

2009-09-09T10:37:00.006-04:00

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

You may have noticed that my blog is undergoing a facelift right now, so please try not to judge the content by the current layout. Not being an html wizard, I haven't figured out yet how to adjust Blogger's 2-column template to work with my new 3-column background. It makes it pretty difficult to read the blog content right now if you're actually viewing the blog itself, rather than reading it through your RSS feed, email, or Facebook. If anyone reading this takes pity on me and knows how to fix this, I welcome your assistance.

Actually, my entire body is also "under construction" right now. I'm doing a major detoxification of my gastrointestinal system, and I'm also following a very strict dietary protocol to rid my body of mold, mildew, and fungus. I know that probably sounds pretty bizarre - it did to me when I first started hearing about it - but I've begun to understand that most illness and disease comes from fungi infiltrating tissues and organs in the human body. The reason we don't know about it is simply that medical schools mostly focus on bacteria and viruses being the cause of disease. They simply do not teach doctors about mycology, the study of mold, mildew, and fungus. Don't believe me; research it for yourself. Read The Fungus Link by Doug Kaufmann, and check out his website and/or TV show, "Know The Cause." Go to http://www.knowthecause.com to find out where to watch his TV show in your area. You can also watch the show live on the website.

So, please don't judge MY content based on MY layout either. I'm a work in progress, and it's going to be a long, hard road. I believe God has lead me here and that His hand is guiding my steps. And I believe that this path leads to a healthier future for me. Please continue to pray for my healing and for deliverance from the oppressive world of medicine and pharmaceutical drugs. I can't wait to see what God has in store!

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

2009-08-29T20:19:00.010-04:00

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is: Narcolepsy with Cataplexy
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2007
3. But I had symptoms since: 1993
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: to let things go. I can't do everything I want to do, and I can't do it perfectly. I have learned I have limitations.
5. Most people assume: I'm lazy or just enjoy sleeping a lot
6. The hardest part about mornings are: getting ready to leave the house is a HUGE undertaking. I have to take a break after every step. Take a shower; take a break. Get dressed; take a break.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: Mystery Diagnosis
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: motorized wheelchair
9. The hardest part about nights is: getting myself ready to go to sleep. I have to take a bunch of medicine, set two alarms so I can wake up in 4 hrs to take my second dose of meds, clean my CPAP mask and put water in the machine, plus all the normal stuff like brushing my teeth, etc. When I'm so tired I can hardly stand up, it's a nightmare.
10. Each day I take 21 pills & vitamins.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: have found that they cannot be used to the exclusion of traditional treatments and vice versa.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: visible because then I wouldn't have to explain myself all the time.
13. Regarding working and career: I can NEVER work a normal 9-5 job because I don't have the stamina and can't be depended on to be somewhere at a certain time. I work from home and help with my husband's business as much as I can.
14. People would be surprised to know: how much I struggle with feeling inadequate and unproductive
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: having to admit I can't do things and having to depend on others to help
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: graduate college. It took me until I was 29, and I dropped out, dropped classes, and asked for extensions more times that I can count. But I did it!
17. The commercials about my illness: what commercials? Most doctors don't even know what cataplexy is. I carry info sheets with me wherever I go in case I have an attack.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: DRIVING!!!
19. It was really hard to have to give up: singing in the choir and singing specials at church
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: bird watching
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: not know where to begin. It's been 16 years since I've felt "normal," so I don't know if I would recognize it if it actually happened.
22. My illness has taught me: to be compassionate and empathetic toward others
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: "It must be nice to stay home and relax all day!"
24. But I love it when people: offer to pick things up from the store for me or take me out for an afternoon
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: Romans 5:3-5 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: it's normal to grieve over the loss of your health and your dreams and goals for your life. Don't worry about putting on a brave front. God sees your pain; don't be afraid to let others see it so they can love you and hurt with you.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: no one will ever understand completely what it is like for me to live with my illness, so I cannot expect that from people
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: came over and cleaned my house and didn't make me feel bad about how dirty some things were
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: there are so many hurting people that are feeling alone in their illness, but spreading awareness can bring hope to those people like it brought hope to me.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: that you love me enough to learn more about my struggles.

Find out more about National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week and the 5-day free virtual conference with 20 speakers Sept 14-18, 2009 at www.invisibleillness.com

The Heart of the Matter

2009-08-02T16:18:00.011-04:00

Just when I thought I was getting my health on the right track, I suddenly began having problems with my heart. I'll be honest: medical issues involving the heart are pretty scary to me. Both of my grandfathers died of heart attacks and one spent most of his life disabled due to heart disease. Aside from smoking, I have almost every risk factor for heart disease. I should have seen this coming, but I didn't.

It all started a couple weeks ago after my doctor decided to have me try a new narcolepsy medication, Nuvigil, which helps to combat the excessive daytime sleepiness which accompanies narcolepsy. A few days after starting the new medicine, I began having chest pains, my heart was racing, and I was very weak. My doctor did an EKG and made me chew up an extra 50mg of beta blocker, which he prescribed as an addition to my current dose of 100mg. My heart rate went down a bit, but I had the weakness and chest pain on and off for the next several days. My blood pressure, however, really seemed to go down (and it wasn't high to start with). The following Sunday I blacked out and landed face down on the cement front porch, scraping my arm pretty badly. Needless to say, I basically spent the next week lying down.

My doctor said he wanted me to get in to see a heart specialist "right away," which is apparently code for "weeks later" because I just got a call from them on Friday. The suspicion was that I have something called SVT , which apparently is an abnormal firing of the heart's electrical connections. They think the SVT was aggravated by the new stimulant and perhaps has been around awhile and just masked by my severely low thyroid. Who knows? But on Friday when my heart started racing and chest began hurting again, I sensed that something was very wrong this time. I checked my BP and saw that although my heart rate was well over 100, my pressure had dropped to 80/50. I decided it would be a good idea to head to the ER. But then I suddenly got very weak, I had this intense pressure in my chest and was struggling to breathe, and then I heard this loud buzzing in my ears and everything started to go black. I managed to whisper, "Call 911" and "Call my mom" to my husband.

I could barely stay conscious, but I remember thinking that this was it; I was going to die right here on my chaise lounge. I wasn't afraid to die, but I did have an overwhelming sense of regret that I had a lot of things left unsaid or undone. I managed to tell my husband I loved him and that I was sorry our life together had been so hard. By the time I made it into the ambulance my pressure had dropped to 40 diastolic. But the paramedic was very reassuring; he gave me 4 chewable baby aspirin and kept monitoring my vital signs. When the numbers started to go up, I seemed to be able to breathe better and have more strength, but I still had pain and pressure in my chest. He gave me a few sprays of nitro on the trip, and by the time I got to the hospital I was feeling a lot better.

But then on Saturday afternoon, the whole thing happened again. Only this time, my diastolic pressure plummeted to 31. I didn't even know it could get that low while you were still alive and/or conscious. But my doctor had told me that if you lie flat, it will bring up your pressure, so I lay down and tested it again a few minutes later with a reading in the low 50's. I swallowed a few aspirin as a precaution and exhauted beyond reason, fell asleep for several hours. When I woke up and retested my vitals, I noticed that my pressure getting close to normal but my heart rate was again approaching tachycardia. I decided to take 100mg of my beta blocker, but within an hour my blood pressure began to drop and my monitor was showing irregular heartbeats. I took some magnesium supplements and barely crawled into bed.

Today has gone pretty much the same with my pressure beginning to drop and my heart rate climbing up past 100 again. I just pray that I can hold off any major events at least until tomorrow when I hope the cardiologist can squeeze me in for an emergency appointment. I've learned to avoid caffeine and other stimulants and to force myself to cough when I feel light-headed. But mostly I have to stay lying down, which is a difficult feat in a house badly in need of cleaning, laundry in need of washing and folding, and countless other household chores that are beckoning. I know there are a lot of you out there praying for me, thinking about me, and maybe even worrying. I don't know what else is in store for me, but I love and appreciate you all and your outpouring of love and encouragement.

For now, I leave you with some verses from my favorite Scripture passage,
"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." -Psalm 139:7-10 Please know that no matter what happens next, I am safe in His care.

Unexpected Worship

2009-07-05T12:57:00.011-04:00

When we think of worship, what usually comes to mind is a church service or singing in a church service. But there are many ways to worship God. I love to worship God by spending time looking at all the beautiful things He has created - the stars that shine so brightly in the sky at our house in the country, the birds that flock to our birdhouses or come to pick off the fish from our pond, and the beautiful plants and flowers that grow all around our property. Music is also a big part of worship for me. Often a song has the unique power to touch my spirit and bring me to a place of worship where God can speak just the right Words to me. But until I attended Freedom Fest at Trinity the other night, I had never before experienced worship through fireworks.

I'll admit it: I really didn't want to go to the festival. I mean, I can see the appeal for most people. There are TONS of attractions to ride and see, LOTS of food vendors, a live jazz/swing band, and of course, the fireworks show. But when you have trouble walking because of cataplexy, your health condition and medications give you an intolerance for heat, and you're doing your best to stay off carbs, a 5-hour festival on Trinity's large campus in the Florida sun and humidity amid a crowd of people eating ice cream is not the most comfortable place to be. I did ride my motorized chair which helped with the walking, and my husband set me up with a golf umbrella to keep out of the sun (I was already sunburned from 2 1/2 hours in the pool the day before), but I was absolutely sweltering. Also, having that big umbrella over me didn't exactly make me very approachable for people to talk to or even see who I was. It was nice to catch up with my mother-in-law and my husband's grandmother and also a few friends from Trinity that found me for a chat. But after a few hours, I was beat. I didn't want to ruin it for anyone else by leaving before the show, so when my husband suggested I sit out in the air-conditioned truck until the fireworks started, I thought that idea was very appealing.

When he came back to get me, I was sitting in a truck with steam-covered windows, pumping the A/C and listening to the radio. I had dried off, cooled off, re-fixed my hair, and had gotten a chance to recharge my battery from the effort it takes to just be around people and stay upbeat and friendly. When I opened the door to step outside I realized that although the sun had gone down, you could almost cut the humidity with a knife. I wasn't looking forward to being out in that again and almost told my husband to go ahead without me. But I went. After a somewhat unusual version of our national anthem was sung, the fireworks began exploding in synch with some very powerful Christian music selections. As I gazed up at the breathtaking array with Jeremy Camp's "There Will Be a Day" playing in the background, my heart swelled with love for a God Whose beauty and majesty far surpasses even that magnificent presentation. Everything inside me just wanted to stand up, lift my hands toward heaven and shout praise to Him! And through my tears of exhilarating joy I smiled to myself and to my King for allowing me to experience worship in such an unexpected way.

The Voice of Truth

2009-06-24T18:35:00.004-04:00

Satan is a liar - a good liar. He attacks my mind when I'm alone and vulnerable. He knows which buttons to push and exactly when to push them. He's a strong enemy who always knows where and when to strike to get the best results. He tells me I'm worthless - that my life is worthless. I don't contribute to anyone or anything because I'm shut in my house all day every day. He tells me I don't matter to anyone and that no one notices when I'm missing. He tells me that I'm unattractive because I'm overweight and that people don't want to be around an unattractive person. He tells me that I have no friends and that no one understands the challenges I face every day because of my health. He tells me things in my life will never change and that I should give up hope.

But I have learned to recognize the voice of the enemy, the lies of the enemy. And because I walk with God and hide His Word in my heart, when the enemy speaks I hear another voice: the Voice of Truth. And that Voice tells me something else; that Voice tells me who I really am - who God says I am - because of Jesus Christ. And here it is:

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence," - Ephesians 1:3-8

I am blessed
I am chosen
I am adopted
I am accepted
I am redeemed
I am forgiven

When I believe that I am who God says I am, the lies of the enemy have no power over me, whether they come from my own thoughts or by the lips of another. So when those thoughts come in a moment of weakness or distress, I just choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth.

Memorize it. Hang it on your fridge. Tape it to your full-length mirror. Attach it to your sun visor. Satan knows your weak spot and he's waiting for a chance to attack. Be armed with God's Word so the Voice of Truth can drown out the lies of the enemy.

If We Are the Body...

2009-06-03T09:39:00.008-04:00

A good friend and I have been discussing lately the issue of the body of Christ serving one another and bearing each others' burdens. If we as Christians were truly following the example of Christ and the early church, there would be a lot fewer Christians who are feeling defeated, disconnected, and overwhelmed by life's trying circumstances. That is exactly what the Enemy wants, of course: to keep Christians out of the fight and out of the way of his plans to thwart the cause of Christ.

My dear friend is a young mother who truly desires to please God and raise her children to know and serve Him. But with three very young children at home, she often feels overwhelmed and in desperate need of a break or some quality time alone with her husband. I know that there must certainly be other mothers in her local church who find themselves in this situation as well; could they not trade babysitting services to give other moms a break? What about single ladies in the church or young married couples without children? This could be a real opportunity for them to serve and to learn what it is like to walk in another's shoes. What about a retired couple whose grandchildren live far away? What a mutual blessing it would be for them to "adopt" some children from their church and offer to take them to the zoo, the museum, or the park for the day so Mom can actually get her hair cut or go out on a date with her husband!

But what happens instead? We look at our own situation and how frustrated and discouraged we are that we're a busy mom, a lonely widow, or a couple struggling with the pain of infertility. The Bible tells us that we should follow Christ's example, look at how others around us are struggling, and put their needs above our own (Philippians 2:1-11). When we are willing to do this, not only will we be blessed for our selflessness, but we might find that our own needs will be fulfilled as well. For example, I have a friend with 7 children who has basically been a single mom for the past several months. Yet every time she is going to be near the health food store, she calls me, who is stuck at home because of chronic illness and cannot drive, to see if there's anything I need from the store. She also has a job outside the home, but she came over my house with one of her daughters on a Saturday and cleaned my house because she saw that I was having a tough time. And my husband and I have been able to serve some of her needs as well. What a wonderful blessing to both of us! This is the plan God has for His people! Every part of the body has its own abilities and weaknesses and can serve another member in areas where they are weak.

But we are often unwilling to step out of our comfort zone or make a sacrifice for another brother or sister in Christ. After all, it's more convenient to just invite that couple over that you've known for 10 years because their kids get along with your kids and your spouses hit it off. But what about that couple that's new to the church and have no established friendships or even family that they can fellowship with or call on when they need some help? What about the couple that doesn't have children? It may be a bit more challenging to hang out with that couple because your children won't be occupied and playing with their friends, but don't those people need friends too? You're comfortable having a girls' night out with your two best girlfriends, but what about your friend with chronic illness? She might slow you down at the mall or the beach because she can't keep up with your pace. How about having a single mom over to your house so her boys can throw a football around or learn to work on the car with your sons and your husband? - guy things her son doesn't get to do.

Just something to think about. We all have needs and struggles in life, but we don't have to handle it all on our own. God has adopted us into His family, and He has given us thousands of brothers and sisters in Christ from all different backgrounds, family situations, financial conditions, and special talents and abilities that we can draw upon. Let's reach out to our Christian family and build one another up so that we can bring glory to God and win souls for eternity by the example of our faith and testimony.

"...there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I don't need you!' And the head cannot say to the feet, 'I don't need you!' On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it." -I Corinthians 12:20-27

The Birthday, The Bald Dog, and the Billy Goat - Conclusion

2009-05-19T09:56:00.005-04:00

By now you have to be wondering about the goat. I almost feel like it didn't really happen, like maybe it was one of my crazy narcolepsy-induced nightmares. But, yes, there really was a billy goat. It all started when I let my two Siberian huskies out for their morning "constitutional," as I like to call it. When I opened the front door to let them out, I figured by the way they shot out that door that there was a squirrel, a rabbit, or maybe some geese or an egret in the front yard. Because their invisible fence only goes so far, giving any kind of animal they might chase a chance to run to safety, I didn't think much of it at first. But a moment later I heard something that reminded me of a viscious wild animal attack from the Discovery Channel, and I saw a flash of black fur at the back window. A feeling of dread went through me like a cold chill, and I knew the dogs had gotten into it with some kind of animal...a racoon maybe. Still in my pajamas and bare feet, I ran out the back door.

Much to my surprise, the dogs had cornered a billy goat of all things, and he was behind the grill making the strangest noise, eyes bugging out with fear. I yelled to the dogs to get into the house, but instead they both lunged for the goat, who made it several feet into the landscape bed before one dog grabbed it by the neck and the other by the throat. My dogs were going to kill this poor animal right in front of me! I began yelling as loudly as I could and banging on the patio furniture, but I may as well have been whispering. My dogs were completely focused on one thing only: this strange animal that dared enter their territory must be destroyed. Then I remembered reading once that if your dog ever gets into a fight with another dog, the only way to safely intervene is to pull your dog by the back legs. So I grabbed one of my dogs and pulled as hard as I could, landing on my rear end but succeeding in getting her away from the goat. She lunged for the goat as I reached for her collar and fought her all the way into the house and into her crate.

I could feel my legs turning into jell-o as I stumbled back outside to get the other dog. Narcolepsy attacks are often caused or worsened by strong emotions and/or exercise, both of which I was experiencing at that time. I knew that any moment my legs and probably my other muscles were going to completely give out; I was just praying it didn't happen until both dogs were safely inside and away from this stupid goat. It was much easier for me to extricate my male dog from the goat as he is much more mild-mannered, especially when his sister is not around to rile him up. Just as I got in the door with my other dog, I collapsed on the livingroom floor. I was worried the goat was hurt, but there was nothing more I could do as my legs were completely out of commission. I reached for the phone and dialed Animal Control (thanks to our puppy's father, I had the number stored in the phone). As the hopeless Animal Control officers made their way to my house to get the goat, I had to just lie on the floor listening to all 3 of my dogs howling and trying to break out of their crates. Of course, the officers never found the goat, although they thought the giant pile of hair in the yard that came from my dog was from the goat fight, and that gave me a good laugh.

A friend of mine who has a pet goat reassured me that goats are tough, resilient animals, so I finally stopped worrying that it had a broken windpipe and was off somewhere dying. And even though the excitement of the incident caused prolonged cataplexy that put me in the wheelchair the rest of the day, the dogs finally calmed down and quit trying to find the goat in the yard. Goats are apparently very stupid, however, because the next afternoon when I let my male husky outside to do his business, I heard a loud thud against the front door and thought "here we go again." When I opened the front door I saw that the goat, much braver when faced with only one of my dogs, was back and charging my dog with his horns. I called for the dog to run inside, but instead the goat ran inside my house! Not knowing what else to do, I just slammed the door behind him so that my dog was still outside. So now there's this angry goat in my house, and both big dogs are going crazy. But then my Watch Kitty comes running right up to the goat, fur all puffed out, hissing and growling, and the goat lowers its head, stomps its feet, and starts snorting. I'm thinking, "Great. My cat will be gored by a goat and the whole house is gonna be torn apart."

So I grab the phone and start calling people. First call to Animal Control: "INSIDE your house? How did it get in? Why did you let it in?" Then my friend who has a goat: phone number unlisted. Then the vet: INSIDE your house? How did it get in? Why did you let it in?" Then my friend in Pennsylvania whose huband grew up on a farm: "INSIDE your house? How did it get in? Why did you let it in? It's gonna tear up your house!" Then to my husband: "What do you mean INSIDE the house? Why did you let it in?" Click. People, your comments are not helping. Then my friend calls back after speaking to her husband. She tells me to get a water bottle and squirt it if it tries to charge. She says I can possibly calm it and distract it with some food. I try to give it lettuce and carrots, but it just gets angrier because I'm getting too close. So it just stands there in the corner of the room, stomping, eyes bugging out. And I'm waiting for the dogs to break out of their crates and my cat to attack any second. We stare at each other for what seems like an eternity until finally the animal control officer shows up at the door with one of those poles with a "noose" on the end that you see on Animal Cops: Detroit. I just pointed to the goat. He hooks it around the neck and starts pulling as the feisty little guy, who's actually pretty cute, is pulling back the other way. The officer can't believe I have a goat INSIDE the house. Can't believe I opened the door and he just ran in. Yeah. But that's what happened. I'm laughing now, but it was actually kind of traumatic at the time. It took my dogs like 2 hours after the goat was gone to stop running through the house sniffing and looking out the windows.

But I know better than to ask the question: "What ELSE could possibly go wrong?" Because I know the answer. During this "series of unfortunate events," I had been reading a Christian novel where the main characters were going through a lot of bad circumstances in their lives and were struggling, as I often do, with that same question, wondering "what else?" But then they remembered John 16:33, "In the world you will have trouble. But be of good cheer! I have overcome the world." It's pretty much guaranteed we will have trouble in this life. But we can encourage ourselves with this fact: Jesus has overcome the world. There's nothing that can happen that is more powerful than that - not a bad birthday, a bald dog, or a billy goat. Nothing. So cheer up! :o)

The Birthday, The Bald Dog, and the Billy Goat - Part II

2009-05-15T09:36:00.005-04:00

A little over 6 weeks ago our purebred Siberian husky gave birth to 3 husky/rottweiler puppies. Obviously this was not planned; it was a result of having a neighbor down the street who refuses, despite repeated calls to Animal Control, to keep his unneutered dog in his own yard. The whole process of the birth and the next couple of weeks was a nightmare that included two of the pups dying, several emergency trips to the vet, and a LOT of lost sleep. Just as we started to actually enjoy having a puppy around, I began to notice the mother was losing a lot of hair. I would vacuum, and then a few minutes later I would notice clumps of hair blowing across the floor like tumbleweeds. At first I figured it was hormomal hair loss from the pregnancy and nursing. But when I asked my husband to take her outside to brush out the loose hair so I wouldn't see it all over the house, I realized it was much worse. I came outside after a few minutes and saw this absolutely HUGE pile of hair in the front yard. I was shocked. And when I saw that my beautiful Siberian husky had lost about 85% of her hair, I began to cry. My husband said that the hair was just coming off in sheets, like he was peeling off velcro.

After more research, I discovered the cause: we had been told by the vet to shave her belly so that the pups could find her nipples to nurse. She had already lost a lot of hair on her belly in the days before she gave birth, but if you're familiar with huskies you know that they have a thick undercoat of fur that made it very difficult for a blind puppy to locate the source of the milk they desperately needed in the hours following their birth. So we got an electric razor and shaved around the nipples. BIG, BIG mistake. Apparently huskies, as well as a few other "cold weather" breeds should never be shaved. It causes the hair follicles to die all over the coat, which causes the hair to fall out. Apparently the vet didn't know this, probably having never come across it in Florida where huskies are rarely seen. So now we have a bald dog. I feel like crying every time I look at her. And now she's losing hair on her head, neck, and tail...I'd been holding out hope that this wouldn't happen.

I had a friend go to the health food store for me (since cataplexy keeps me from being able to drive) to get cod liver oil, as the Omega 3's should help her get her coat back, a process I'm told usually takes 6-12 months. And I also ordered some multi-vitamins to supplement her nutrition even though we have the dogs on a very high-quality food. You should have seen me trying to give her the fish oil with a medicine dropper. I felt like I was wrestling an alligator or something. It finally took both me and my husband holding her down/sitting on her to get it down...or at least most of it. Then I realized I could just pour it on her food. Duh! So much easier.

I just ran the vacuum cleaner last night, and as I look at the living room carpet I can see about 5 or 6 clumps of hair blowing across the room. The dog just walked by looking more bald than yesterday, with clumps of hair hanging off her body, ready to fall off all over the house. But I won't ask - I dare not ask the question: what else could possibly go wrong?

To be continued...

The Birthday, The Bald Dog, and the Billy Goat - Part I

2009-05-13T14:26:00.004-04:00

I'm sure there's been a time in your life when you thought, "What else could possibly go wrong?". I quit asking myself that question a long time ago because there always is something else. It seems like the month of May has ushered in a whole series of "something else" for us. First, I took my husband out of town for a little birthday weekend, a much-needed time of rest and perspective for him during the busiest, most stressful time of year for our business. While we were gone, our most experienced employee decided he didn't want to work for us anymore. We had already paid to stay in our hotel Sunday night and planned to check out in the morning, have a nice breakfast, and start a leisurely drive home. After this bombshell hit on Sunday evening, we had to rush home to make sure we had a supervisor to take over that crew, especially since another of our key employees was to be on vacation that whole next week. So we got home at 3am Monday, feeling stressed, emotionally spent, and angry that our special time together had ended so badly and abruptly.

During the next few days, we were also hit with a family-related situation that added another level of anxiety. It was one of those situations where people feel caught in the middle of a drama that was caused by someone making an ill-timed, poorly-planned decision that had devestating effects on several family members. I was particularly hurt by the way things happened and went through a whole range of emotions. Because stress, lack of restful sleep, and strong emotions can cause cataplexy (an aspect of the sleep disorder narcolepsy, which causes loss of muscle tone, often leaving one temporarily unable to use some or all of the body's muscles), I have spent the past 9 days at least partly incapacitated and had a few prolonged attacks of cataplexy that lasted hours.

I don't know if the animals have been responding to the stress, but it seems they have all begun acting out in ways they haven't since they were babies. One of the cats has begun urinating in one corner of the dining room every morning, which is a lovely thing to wake up to and step in while still in a morning stupor. And then I discovered that one of the dogs had been going "potty" on the guest room carpet for a couple days, which we didn't notice until I was in there putting guest towels away. We also have a six-week-old puppy that is kept in an area where there is only tile floor, but that area requires clean-up every day to refresh the bedding and the newspaper where he "goes" until we can begin potty training. And of course he needs a lot of attention and care throughout the day. So in the midst of everything, I feel that the house is in a constant state of chaos, which of course leads to more stress, which leads to more cataplexy.

To be continued...